The Wednesday Wars by Gary D. Schmidt Read Free Book Online Page A

know. Do you all understand? Until the ... escapees ... are caught, not a soul outside of this room hears about the incident." Mr. Guareschi's voice got low and menacing. "Not. One. Soul."
    And so began Mr. Guareschi's Campaign Against the Escapees.
    And by the way, for the record, I didn't exactly say "Oh" when Sycorax and Caliban jumped out from the cages.
    Neither did Mr. Vendleri.
    And neither did Mrs. Baker.

    I wasn't sure that I wanted to be left in the classroom alone with Mrs. Baker after Mr. Guareschi and Mr. Vendleri left to begin planning campaign strategy. She still hadn't said anything about the cream puff, and I figured it had to come sooner or later. It turned out to be sooner.
    As soon as the door closed, Mrs. Baker put her hands on her hips and looked at me thoughtfully.
    "You never did eat the cream puff, did you?" she said.
    I shook my head slowly. I tried to look guiltless.
    "But you pretended that you did."
    I said nothing. The future of Hoodhood and Associates was suddenly shaky.
    "You made a wise culinary choice. Go sit down."
    And that was it. Really. That was all she said.
    I was about to climb down off my desk, but first I looked around to be sure that nothing was lurking on the floor.
    "Mr. Hoodhood," said Mrs. Baker impatiently.
    I wanted to point out that she was still standing on her own desk, but since Hoodhood and Associates was suddenly okay again, I didn't. But when Mrs. Baker saw me hesitate, she looked around, then climbed down from the desk to the chair to the floor. She hesitated a bit herself before she put her feet on the floor. "Now go sit down," she said. She opened the lowest drawer of her desk. She pulled out an ancient black book to match the ancient green book, and blew away cobwebs from it. Then she brought the black book to my desk and thumped it down. It smelled of must and dust.
    "The plays of William Shakespeare," said Mrs. Baker, "which can never be boring to the true soul. Open it to
The Merchant of Venice
"
    I did.
    The rest of that afternoon, we both held our feet up off the floor and took turns reading parts from
The Merchant of Venice—
even though the print was made for tiny insects with multiple eyes and all the pictures in the book were ridiculous. I mean, no one really stands as if they're posing to be a flower, and no one would wear the stuff they were wearing and dare to go outside.
    But it turned out that Mrs. Baker's strategy didn't work after all! She had wanted to bore me to death, even though she said that she didn't—which was all part of the strategy. But
The Merchant of Venice
was okay.
    There's no Jim Hawkins. And the stuff about Shylock was slow at first. But it picks up with him in the courtroom, ready to cut out a pound of Antonio's flesh because Antonio hasn't been able to pay—which is exactly what Long John Silver would have done. And then Portia comes in and gives this speech that turns everything upside down.
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;

It is enthroned in the hearts of kings.
    When Mrs. Baker read that, I had shivers running up and down me.
    But Shylock didn't. He was ready to get to work with his knife, when Portia turns everything upside down again and the judge ends up freeing Antonio.
The quality of mercy is not strained,

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath.
    Those are words to make you shiver.
    So, another nefarious Mrs. Baker plot foiled.

    That night, I dreamed about Doug Swieteck's brother as Shylock, and him bending over me with a soccer ball in his hand, about to smash it into my face because I had taken him out. And then Meryl Lee comes up, and Doug Swieteck's brother looks at her, and I look at her, and I'm waiting for the quality-of-mercy-dropping-like-a-gentle-rain-upon-the-place-beneath speech, and Meryl Lee opens her mouth and says to Doug Swieteck's brother,
Go thou ahead.

Droppeth thine soccer ball as thunder from the clouds

Upon his head beneath thee.
    Those are words to