The Witch's Brew: A Collection of Hilarious Short Stories Starring the Wicked Witch of the West

The Witch's Brew: A Collection of Hilarious Short Stories Starring the Wicked Witch of the West by Darrin Mason Read Free Book Online

Book: The Witch's Brew: A Collection of Hilarious Short Stories Starring the Wicked Witch of the West by Darrin Mason Read Free Book Online
Authors: Darrin Mason
this about a wicked witch? Are you trying to scare my Dorothy? Huh? Well?”
    Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man grabbed Auntie Em’s hand. “This is no joke, Mrs Gale. There really is a witch and she really is, wicked.”
    Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls went to the window and looked outside to the prairie that stretched out behind the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Mobile. “Holy tornado, Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man. It’s a tornado. And it’s picked up a little house. The little house over there. The one over there on the prairie.” 
    All of a sudden, Michael’s Landin’ Strip Was Covered In Skid Marks Because He Shit Himself When A Tornado Picked Up His House went flying through the air. He waved at Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls who waved back. Then a cow went flying past. It waved too. Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls turned to Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man. “We’ve got cows. We’ve got ... cows.”
    “Quickly, Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls,” Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man said. He went to Dorothy’s bed and picked her up. She screamed and Auntie Em turned to Hunk, Hickory, and Zeke.
    “Well, don’t just stand there looking silly,” Auntie Em said. “Save the poor girl.”
    Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man turned to them. “That tornado you can hear outside? The one Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls was just talking about?”
    Hunk, Hickory, and Zeke looked at each other then at Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man. “What about it?”
    “It’s not a tornado. It’s the Wicked Witch of the West. And she’s here.  Now, let’s go.” Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man ran outside to the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Mobile and jumped in. He sat Dorothy in the passenger’s seat then tooted his horn and called out. “Come on, Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls. Let’s go.”
    The young man walking by with a guitar slung over his shoulder turned to Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man. “What did you just say?”
    “Come on, Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls. Let’s go,” Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man replied. “Why? What about it?”
    The young man smiled. “Come on. Let’s go. Far out.” He wandered off and was soon followed by two other young men, Bloody Hell and The Great Big Gonna Bop You One If You Don’t Shut The Hell Up. They boarded a small plane that took off into the starry starry night that turned out to not be stars after all but snow flakes and soon the plane crashed and three superstars died. May they Rest In Whichever Piece of the Airplane They Died In.
    KAPOW!!
    Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man turned back to the house. He saw Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls fighting with Dorothy’s Uncle Henry.
    CRUNCH!!
    “Oh for crying out loud,” he said. He climbed out of the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Mobile and went inside the house. He pushed Uncle Henry in the back and said, “You wanna fight a young kid? Why don’t you fight me instead?”
    Uncle Henry turned to Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man and threw a punch. It missed, so he picked up and threw Auntie Em instead. She landed on top of Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man and they crashed to the floor. The referee dropped to the mat and started the count. “One!!” He checked Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man’s shoulders were still pinned to the mat. “Two!!” Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man pushed Auntie Em off his chest and jumped to his feet. He tagged in Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls who ran at Auntie Em and clothes-lined her. She did a back double summersault and crashed to the mat. She reached out to Uncle Henry in the hope of tagging him but he was too far away.   
    Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls grabbed Auntie Em and pulled her to her feet. He

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