There and Back Again by Sean Astin with Joe Layden Read Free Book Online Page B

cub who wanted to represent me, so we drove together, along with my manager, to the Palm Restaurant on Santa Monica Boulevard, one of those great movie-industry places where deals are made and broken, and where the famous and the almost famous routinely stop by for lunch or dinner.
    This was one of those big Hollywood moments, the kind you see depicted in movies or books, and think, What a cliché . But the fact that the stories are rooted in truth is what makes them clichés. As we ate lunch and discussed my situation, I tried desperately to prove to them how sophisticated I was about the machinations of Hollywood, the art of filmmaking, and the evolution of an actor. They listened and nodded a lot, but in the end I pretty much left them in the position of saying, We wish you had more power than you do, Sean. But we can’t get that for you right now. So your only option is to do this movie or not do it. It’s your call.
    That wasn’t quite true. CAA was the five-hundred-pound gorilla of the entertainment world, and if they had chosen to fight for me and my interests with a little more vigor, it might have made a difference. Looking back on it, however, I understand their reluctance. There is a pecking order in Hollywood, and I hadn’t yet reached the level of influence that warranted the agency’s devotion. That comes only with success on a grand scale. It has nothing to do with honor or integrity; it’s simply business, and the business can be ugly.
    After lunch, on the drive back to CAA, I thought hard about what I was going to do. I was angry, but trying not to let my emotions rule my intellect, because I knew that if I chose poorly, my career (and my family) would suffer. I remembered my father’s stories about how he once got everything he could get out of a deal on a television show. He pissed off the head of a studio because the network wanted him and he had them over a barrel. So my dad, lovable Gomez Addams, beat them up and left them bloody. The result was a predictable degree of satisfaction for having gotten what he could, followed by the inevitable professional backlash. In the end, my father realized he had overplayed his hand. And it hurt him. So his admonition to me was, “Be careful.” Those words echoed in my ear as we pulled into the lot at CAA. Before the doors opened, I said, “Guys, I’ll do it.” They asked me if I was sure, I assured them that I was, and I walked away figuring that at the very least I had bought myself a few more months at the power station.
    There was just one problem. I had already arranged a meeting with Ricardo Mesterez, the head of Hollywood Pictures, the man who had figured out that the best way to get to me was to appeal to me as an artist and a filmmaker. Everything about my experience with Encino Man, thus far, had led me to question my involvement in the project, so I figured who better to help me through the crisis than the man who had secured my services. Ricardo graciously agreed to see me, but I realized almost instantly that there was nothing to be gained from the meeting. He asked me what was wrong, and I began stumbling over my words. Here was this well-educated corporate success story, and I couldn’t articulate my problem for him. I told him I felt lost in the project, and that I wasn’t happy. Calmly, pleasantly, Ricardo asked, “Well, what do you want to do about it?”
    I’m impulsive and emotional by nature, but I realized then that the best thing to do was to give the matter some serious thought before saying another word. I had given my word to my manager and agent that I would perform in this movie without complaint, and yet here I was, getting ready to complain again. I asked myself, Who am I, and how do I want to be perceived? By whining to the studio every time something bothered me, I risked getting a reputation for being “difficult.” So I leaned forward in my chair and said,