Thicker Than Water by Kelly Fiore Read Free Book Online Page A

friend.”
    â€œAnything else you’d like to say?” Barnes asks. Tucker gives his head an almost imperceptible shake.
    â€œOkay, who’s next . . . Aarti? How about you? Who is supporting you?”
    â€œMy sister,” Aarti says quietly. I have to strain to hear her even though she’s only a few feet away.
    â€œYour sister?” Dr. Barnes repeats. Aarti nods.
    â€œShe came here a year after me. She married a lawyer in Saint Louis, a friend of my husband’s. I don’t get to see her much, especially now. But knowing she’s here, on the same continent as me, is a great relief. It gives me a purpose, a reason to heal.”
    Knowing Aarti’s version of alone isn’t as alone as my alone makes me feel a little bit better for her and a little bit worse for me. Dr. Barnes eyes me. It’s as if he sees my self-pity etch itself across my face.
    â€œAnd what about you, Cecelia? Can you tell us about your support network?”
    It was easier for me to avoid answering Cam. Dr. Barnes’s eyes are piercing. I cough, a hand over my mouth, praying blood will magically spew from my throat. It doesn’t. You just can’t rely on spontaneous hemorrhages these days.
    â€œI, um, I guess my dad was my support system.”
    â€œYou say ‘was.’ Why is that?”
    I blink. “Well, I’m here now. So, I mean, I’m not his responsibility anymore.”
    Dr. Barnes leans back in his chair. It has wheels and it rolls a few inches outside the circle.
    â€œSo you think that means he doesn’t support you?”
    What I think: My dad will never forgive me for Cyrus’s death .
    What I say: “I think it means that he doesn’t have to worry about taking care of me. I know he supported me enrolling in this program, but that wasn’t my choice.”
    â€œAnd whose choice was it?”
    Dr. Barnes is looking at me expectantly. I can tell, even though I’m still examining the ragged edges of my nails. At least I’m not squinting.
    â€œCeCe,” he says quietly, “I know that being here is challenging for you. I know that you are having a difficult time opening up to the processes that come along with treatment. You need to open up to us—it will help you. We can help you.”
    When people tell you that therapy is a stress-free environment, they’re lying. There are the same pressures, the same worries you have in the “real world.” You want people to like you. You don’t want people to judge you. It’s just as hardto be honest here as it is anywhere else.
    Dr. Barnes is watching me. Aarti and Kevin and Lola are watching me. Everyone in the circle is watching me. Everyone but Tucker. He’s staring out the window, his face turned away from the group. I give in and close my eyes a bit, watching the dark waves of his hair blur into a fuzzy ball.
    â€œI’m here because I have to be.”
    â€œWhy do you have to be here?”
    â€œBecause it looks good.”
    â€œLooks good to whom?”
    His words saw at my patience. I squint into slits so small, I can’t see anything but shadows.
    â€œDr. Barnes, do you always ask questions you know the answer to?”
    â€œWhat do you mean?”
    I stand up. No one expects it. No one leaves group without being excused. Two guards are next to me before I can take a single step.
    â€œThose people matter because they make the decisions now. The last decision I made landed me in handcuffs. I’m not allowed to make decisions on my own behalf anymore, Dr. Barnes. Isn’t that the point? Isn’t that why I’m here?”
    Dr. Barnes doesn’t stop me as I head for the door; he just motions for the guards to follow me out. I bite down hard on my lower lip until I taste the coppery blood ooze between my teeth. It’s the only thing that prevents me from screaming.

6
    AT DINNER, I’M SITTING ALONE NEXT TO A STAPLE-LESS,