This Is So Not Happening by Kieran Scott Read Free Book Online Page A

me.
    “Let’s go,” I said under my breath. All I could think about was getting out of that room and away from the Judgey McHolierthanthous.
    “Right this way,” the nurse said, giving us a smile. A real one. At least someone around here didn’t hate us.
    Chloe finally got out of her chair and we slowly followed the nurse. She weighed Chloe, took her blood pressure, and asked her way too many questions about her period. I stared at a pink calendar on the wall. On it was a stork dangling a wide-eyed, smiling baby right over the month of March.
    “So your approximate due date would be …”
    Chloe and I locked eyes. Due date? What? Already? The woman spun around a plastic wheel and smiled. “March twentieth!”
    March twentieth. March twentieth. March twentieth. Suddenly I felt like I had about six and a half months to live.
    “I’m just gonna have you pee in a cup for me and then you can see the doctor!” the nurse said brightly. She handed Chloe a plastic cup with a lid, sealed inside a plastic bag, and pointed her toward the bathroom. Seriously. Could this whole thing get any more effed up? Chloe ducked her head in a very un-Chloe-like way, and slipped inside. She started to close the door.
    “Will your parents be joining us today, hon?” the woman asked.
    Somehow Chloe’s head ducked even further. “Um. No.”
    Then she shut the door. The nurse turned to me, grinning, as if this kind of thing happened every day and it was about as big of a deal as charging a cell phone.
    “You’ll be in room five. You can wait for her in there.”
    I glanced at room five. It was light blue and yellow and cheery, but to me it looked like the bowels of hell. I didn’t move. My mouth tasted like dirt. The nurse stood there with her arm out.
    “Um … are they gonna, like … is the doctor gonna go … you know … like in the movies?”
    I made a gesture with my hand that turned her face red. God, I wanted to die.
    The nurse recovered and tilted her head sympathetically. “Yes, the doctor will give her a pelvic exam to confirm the pregnancy,” she said. “You can wait out here for that if you like.”
    “Thank you!” I said in an exhale. I dropped onto the plastic chair just as Chloe came out and handed a cup full of yellow to the nurse. The nurse placed it on the counter, right at my eye level.
    I wondered if they did lobotomies in this place.
    Chloe stepped to the threshold and looked down at me. “You’re not coming in?”
    My heart thumped. “Um—”
    “You’ll need to strip from the waist down, hon,” the nurse said, handing her a paper sheet.
    Chloe instantly got the picture. “Oh. Okay.”
    “I’ll be right here,” I said. “If you need me.”
    “Okay.”
    Chloe walked inside like she was in a daze and closed the door behind her. Other nurses and patients walked by, did their business, went into rooms. I kept my eyes on the floor, letting my leg bounce as much as it wanted, avoiding catching any more criticizing looks. Finally someone stopped outside the room, knocked on the door, and went inside. Had to be the doctor, but I wasn’t sure. She said nothing to me, and I didn’t look up.
    Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty million. I could hear murmuring voices through the wall but couldn’t make out any words. In my mind I saw Chloe lying on a table, her legs open, the doctor coming at her with some scary instrument. Mystomach turned. I finally lifted my head to breathe and noticed that from where I was sitting I had a clear view of the parking lot out the window. My Jeep was parked right in the middle, its army green paint glinting in the sun. Suddenly I saw myself jumping behind the wheel, gunning the engine, and taking off for the shore. Getting. The Hell. Out of here.
    My fingers twitched toward the keys in my pocket. Then the door behind me opened.
    “Are you Jake?”
    I looked up at the doctor. She was thin, pretty, and young, with brown hair, green eyes, and a purple T-shirt under her