This Secret We're Keeping by Rebecca Done Read Free Book Online Page B

she had almost every day for as long as she could remember – about Matthew. She threw Smudge’s tennis ball into the edge of the surf over and over again, while he cantered around in delight like an overexcited pony. Then the sun dipped down behind a bank of solid cloud, so they turned back and headed for home.
    The knock on the door came as Jess was mixing up Smudge’s tea. Setting his bowl on the floor, she rinsed her hands and hobbled through to the living room, Smudge at her ankles, too curious to ignore a visitor in favour of eating.
    And just like that, Matthew Landley was on her doorstep, locking eyes with her properly for the first time in seventeen years.
    For a few moments, he didn’t speak, seemingly needing to absorb the sight of her. Then, eventually, he found his voice. ‘Hello,’ was all he said.
    As she moved silently aside to let him past, she caught the scent of him, still deliciously familiar. He was an attractive combination of muscular and brown that suggested he worked outside shifting things for a living, his back and shoulders far broader than she remembered. Suddenly he became the only man she could think of who could carry off a grey T-shirt and jeans quite so impressively. Tattoos that hadn’t been there before covered his upper arms, and she couldn’t help noticing that his biceps had bulked up too. But the most significant difference was his shaved head and jawline.
    He’s aged so well he’s barely aged at all
.
    She shut the door, and they turned to face one another.Trying to speak, she realized there was a lump in her throat she needed to bypass first, and it was proving problematic.
    Eventually she succeeded. ‘I can’t believe it. How are you?’ She knew it was a question so vast that he wouldn’t have a hope of answering it, but she thought it might at least buy her some time to try and remember how to behave normally.
    He laughed softly, and scratched the back of his neck. ‘Er, a bit head-fucked.’ His voice, unbelievably, sounded just the same. ‘But very relieved to see you’re still in one piece.’
    Smiling nervously at one another, they could have been teenagers on a first date. Smudge, who had positioned himself at a neat equidistance between them, kept looking from Jess to Matthew and back to Jess again, as if to say,
Hello?
What the hell is going on here? Can someone fill me in? Guys? Guys?
    ‘This is great,’ Matthew said then, his gaze conducting a tour of her living room, of all the things Zak had been flinging around and swearing about only hours earlier. ‘It really suits you.’
    ‘I collect trinkets,’ she said apologetically. ‘I’m not very of-the-moment.’
    He shook his head to disagree. ‘My house has hand sanitizer where all the ornaments should be. Trust me, this is much better.’
    She smiled. And then, because she couldn’t quite believe he was standing in front of her and she’d been waiting to say it for seventeen years, she said quickly, ‘I’m sorry, Matthew.’
    This seemed to catch him off guard, and for a couple of moments he remained motionless, just looking at her. Eventually he spoke, his words tumbling out on a tightly coiled snatch of breath. ‘Jess … don’t be crazy. You’re not the one who should apologize.’
    Absurdly, she disagreed by nodding fiercely. ‘I am. I am. I’m so sorry for what happened to you.’
    He stepped forward then and grabbed her hand, fingertips grazing the scar that crossed her palm. His grip dwarfed hers as it always had, the warm clasp of it enough to send her heartbeat into full pelt.
    ‘It’s me who should apologize. I’ve been trying to find you so I could say it. I’m so sorry – for everything. I know I was the one in the wrong. I know that, Jess.’ He was squeezing her hand on every second word.
    ‘No,’ she managed, working her fingers against his in return, aware somehow that this might be her only chance to rediscover him. ‘You weren’t.’
    ‘You don’t have to say