This Time Around (Maybe) by Chantal Fernando Read Free Book Online Page B

that so many women after me have seen this, have had this man even if only for a night, it hurts like nothing I’ve ever known.
    He clears his throat. “Eyes up here , wife.”
    “Why? By law doesn’t all this belong to me?” I ask, instantly cursing myself for saying that. I seriously can’t control myself around this man. It’s always been that way.
    “Interesting that you say that,” he says. As if taking that as permission, his eyes trail over my body for the first time tonight. “As your husband, I want no more males entering your apartment.”
    “You’re kidding me?” I ask.
    “Dead serious,” he says, his lips curving into a sly smirk.
    “Scott’s a friend,” I say slowly.
    “If he has a dick, he’s included,” he says nonchalantly.
    “We’re getting divorced . None of this matters.”
    “That’s yet to be seen,” he says, studying me under his lashes.
    I look around his apartment. “I bet these walls have a few stories to tell.”
    “Actually , the only woman who’s been in here, besides you, is Summer,” he throws back, grinning. Clearly happy with himself.
    “So you must have moved in recently then,” I guess.
    Probably just moved in a few days ago.
    Silence. Bingo.
    “Why did you fuck around so much?” I ask boldly. I need to know the answer to this.
    He looks surprised at my question, at the fact that I just spoke about something important. Something addressing the past, something that I didn’t dodge. He sighs heavily, leaning back in his chair.
    “You left me. I was pissed. I was hurt. My heart was ripped open , Taiya. You obviously didn’t give a shit, since you bailed, so I did what I had to do to distract myself.” He looks straight into my eyes. Green clashing with blue. “I’m not proud, or anything like that. It was just my life without you in it.”
    “Is that what you thought?”
    “What?”
    “That I didn’t give a shit . That’s why I left? I left because I loved you so much and you destroyed me. You broke me, Ryan.” I needed this reminder. I can’t let myself lower my guard around him again. He’s my weakness. He hurt me once. Who’s to say he won’t do it a second time? Am I that desperate for him that I’m willing to give him control over my heart again? I might not be able to heal myself the second time around. I can’t run again. I won’t let myself.
    With that, I stand up and walk out of his apartment, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

Chapter Eight
    Ryan
    You broke me , Ryan.
    Her words from last night play in my head. This whole situation is so fucked up. How do two people come back from this? Is it true that sometimes love isn’t enough? I remember that night like it was yesterday. I was messed up, so fucking messed up. I had just visited my father in prison. I don’t know why I went. He’d been calling for years, but Reid and I never went to see him. The last night I had seen him was the night he gave Reid that scar. It was also the night we lost our mother. I went to the prison looking for answers, looking for… something. Redemption from something I’d been carrying around for a long time. Guilt. Something I’d always dealt with, something that made me feel like I wasn’t worthy. Like I was a coward.
    I left the prison feeling ten times worse than when I walked in. I should have listened to Reid, but I didn’t. And then I fucked it up, and lost my wife. I could use many different excuses. I was young. I’d never been with another woman besides Taiya, and the list could go on. But the truth was I fucked up. Plain and simple.
    “What’s with the long face?” Summer asks as she cuts limes into slices.
    “Just thinking.”
    “About Taiya?” she asks, putting the knife down and giving me her full attention. I nod, scrubbing my hands over my face. It’s come to the point where we either need to talk, and work on our marriage, or just let it go and move on with our lives. I won’t accept the latter, until I’ve tried my hardest