Thoreau in Love by John Schuyler Bishop Read Free Book Online

up come pouring out.”
    “I had this nightmare, earlier, when I fell asleep. No, not a nightmare. Something that actually happened, that I had totally forgot about. Like it never happened, until it all came back in this dream, and I was there all over again.”
    “Tell me. . . . If you don’t want to—”
    “No, I’d like to tell you. No one can hear, can they?”
    “Let’s go up to the bow, if it’s privacy you want.” Ben took Henry’s hand and led him to the bow, and for Henry, feeling Ben’s warm hand was worth the whole trip. They squatted and settled against the line coiled there. After a long moment, Ben said, “That’s better. So?”
    “I don’t know where to begin . . . .”
    Ben laid a reassuring hand on Henry’s thigh. “Relax, look at the stars. It’s such a beautiful night.” Henry gulped, and Ben soothingly went on. “Skipper’s been teaching me the stars. But they’re still pretty much of a mess for me. My mother used to tell me stories about the constellations, but seems she made it up as she went along. Least from what the skipper says.”
    “I had this student. Edmund Sewell. . . .”
    After another silence, Ben said, “You’re a teacher?”
    “I was. My brother and I started a school. An experimental school. Edmund made me feel something I’d never felt before. Just being around him excited me, and when I wasn’t with him I thought about him all the time. I know this sounds stupid, but it’s very much like I am now, with you.”
    Truly unbelieving, his voice rising high to the question, Ben said, “You think about me?”
    “I do. I can’t get you out of my mind.”
    “Really?” asked Ben, his voice cracking. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we met. I keep wanting to see you.”
    “Is that true?” asked Henry.
    “It is. But I feel funny because of your wife.”
    “My— Susan? She’s not my wife.”
    “She’s not?”
    “She is married, but not to me. I’m going to New York to tutor her children.”
    “Stupid me.” Ben sat up. “I was sure you were married. I’m glad you’re not.”
    “So am I. But that’s what my dream was about. Well, Edmund made me feel totally alive. The way I feel right now with you. . . .”
    “That’s how I feel with you. Like my life is, I don’t know, like I’m just being born. I’m sorry. Go on with your dream.”
    “Edmund had an older sister. Ellen. And my older brother, John, fell heels over head for her. John was. . . . John and I were very close. Every night after we’d get in our beds we talked about everything. He protected me, from everything and everybody, even though I was stronger than he was. But everybody loved John.”
    “Loved?”
    “He died, a year and four months ago.”
    “I’m so sorry.”
    Henry nodded sorrowfully. “Me too. John was remarkable. Anything anyone asked him to do, he did. John did everything right. Me, I do everything wrong. I say things when I shouldn’t. I don’t go to church.”
    “You don’t go to church?”
    “Never. Except for funerals, or if there’s a wedding. Anyway, one night John told me he wanted to marry Ellen, and suddenly I wanted to marry Ellen, too. I told John he couldn’t just ask for her hand, he had to give it more time.” Henry lifted himself to his side, to face Ben. “I’ve never told this to anyone. John trusted me. He waited. And while he was waiting, I won Ellen’s heart. The strange thing was, it was so easy.”
    “I can believe that. You’re smart, handsome.”
    “What are you talking about?”
    “I’m sorry if you don’t think so, but you are. And you have the most kissable lips. I’ll bet she wanted to kiss you all the time.”
    “She did, but I’m not one for kissing.”
    Ben, reaching for one of Henry’s locks, said, “I love the way your hair curls down into your face, and your nose. . . .” Ben’s fingers followed the curl of one of Henry’s locks down Henry’s nose. “It’s such a strong nose, but so