Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome Read Free Book Online Page A

the Channel when it was so rough that the passengers had to be tied into their berths, and he and the captain were the only two living souls on board who were not ill. Sometimes it was he and the second mate who were not ill; but it was generally he and one other man. If not he and another man, then it was he by himself.
    It is a curious fact, but nobody ever is sea-sick – on land. At sea, you come across plenty of people very bad indeed, whole boat-loads of them; but I never met a man yet, on land, who had ever known at all what it was to be sea-sick. Where the thousands upon thousands of bad sailors that swarm in every ship hide themselves when they are on land is a mystery.
    If most men were like a fellow I saw on the Yarmouth boat one day, I could account for the seeming enigma easily enough. It was just off Southend Pier, I recollect, and he was leaning out through one of the port-holes in a very dangerous position. I went up to him to try and save him.
    ‘Hi! come further in,’ I said, shaking him by the shoulder. ‘You’ll be overboard.’
    ‘Oh my! I wish I was,’ was the only answer I could get; and there I had to leave him.
    Three weeks afterwards, I met him in the coffee-room of a Bath hotel, talking about his voyages, and explaining, with enthusiasm, how he loved the sea.
    ‘Good sailor!’ he replied in answer to a mild young man’s envious query, ‘well I did feel a little queer
once
, I confess. It was off Cape Horn. The vessel was wrecked the next morning.’
    I said:
    ‘Weren’t you a little shaky by Southend Pier one day, and wanted to be thrown overboard?’
    ‘Southend Pier!’ he replied, with a puzzled expression.
    ‘Yes; going down to Yarmouth, last Friday three weeks.’
    ‘Oh, ah – yes,’ he answered, brightening up; ‘I remember now. I did have a headache that afternoon. It was the pickles, you know. They were the most disgraceful pickles I ever tasted in a respectable boat. Did
you
have any?’
    For myself, I have discovered an excellent preventive against sea-sickness, in balancing myself. You stand in the centre of the deck, and, as the ship heaves and pitches, you move your body about, so as to keep it always straight. When the front of the ship rises, you lean forward, till the deck almost touches your nose; and when its back end gets up, you lean backwards. This is all very well for an hour or two; but you can’t balance yourself for a week.
    George said:
    ‘Let’s go up the river.’
    He said we should have fresh air, exercise, and quiet; the constant change of scene would occupy our minds (including what there was of Harris’s); and the hard work would give us a good appetite, and make us sleep well.
    Harris said he didn’t think George ought to do anything that would have a tendency to make him sleepier than he always was, as it might be dangerous. He said he didn’t very well understand how George was going to sleep any more than he did now, seeing that there were only twenty-four hours in each day, summer and winter alike; but thought that if he
did
sleep any more he might just as well be dead, and so save his board and lodging.
    Harris said, however, that the river would suit him to a ‘T’. I don’t know what a ‘T’ is (except a sixpenny one, which includes bread-and-butter and cake
ad lib
., and is cheap at the price, if you haven’t had any dinner). It seems to suit everybody, however, which is greatly to its credit.
    It suited me to a ‘T’, too, and Harris and I both said it was a good idea of George’s and we said it in at one that seemed to somehow imply that we were surprised that George should have come out so sensible.
    The only one who was not struck with the suggestion was Montmorency. He never did care for the river, did Montmorency.
    ‘It’s all very well for you fellows,’ he says; ‘you like it, but
I
don’t. There’s nothing for me to do. Scenery is not in my line, and I don’t smoke. If I see a rat, you won’t stop; and if I go