Thursdays in the Park by Hilary Boyd Read Free Book Online Page A

I’m now, officially, old. So they want me to give up the health-food shop that I own, that I love, that is bloodysuccessful, and shuffle off to the country. They can’t understand why I’m not jumping at the chance of retirement in some dozy Somerset village. Scones and jam by the fire, pottering around the begonias, church fetes, general innocent country jolliness. Am I . . .?’ As she spoke, she found with horror that her throat was constricting with incipient tears, that her voice was faltering. Ray just watched her, seemingly without a trace of embarrassment, waiting for her to finish.
    ‘Is that it, then?’ She pushed through the tears. ‘Am I supposed to just give in? Give up?’
    ‘What would you like to do?’
    ‘What I do now. I like my life. Well, most of it.’
    ‘Which bit don’t you like?’
    Jeanie stared at him. ‘What a strange question.’
    Ray laughed. ‘Is it?’
    ‘Well, yes. Everyone has bits they don’t like in their lives, but they don’t really count, do they? I mean, I could go on forever about the bits I don’t like.’ She found she was gabbling and didn’t know why. This man was unsettling in his directness, dangerously easy to confide in. ‘You shouldn’t go round asking people why they aren’t happy. It’s best not to think about it.’
    ‘Sorry.’ He looked baffled by her outburst and she had to laugh.
    ‘No, definitely my turn to apologize,’ she said. ‘I’m behaving like a madwoman.’ She searched for a tissue in her coat pocket.
    ‘Surely your desires are important to your husband, aren’t they?’ Ray was saying. It was as if he could see into her soul with those bright, clear eyes. The tears began again.
    ‘You shouldn’t have started this,’ she muttered, almost beyond embarrassment now.
    ‘I didn’t mean to, I just . . .’ He looked away, and for a moment they both silently watched the children running to and fro around the playground.
    ‘I don’t feel old, I really don’t.’ She was trying, unsuccessfully, to gulp back her tears, but she had ceased to care what Ray thought; the desire to vent her feelings was too strong for her to stop now. ‘I don’t feel any different. I’m healthy and strong. I can’t do it, I can’t . . . rotting away with a man who doesn’t even care about me enough to make love to me . . . hasn’t for a decade.’
    She gasped as she heard her own words, her face suffused scarlet with shame. She covered her face with her hands, wishing the earth would swallow her up.
    She heard Ray draw in a long breath.
    ‘That must be difficult.’ He spoke slowly, carefully.
    Jeanie shook her head in amazement at herself. ‘Listen, I can’t believe I said that . . . to you . . . a perfect stranger. I’m so sorry . . . it’s the most embarrassing thing.’
    Ray laughed. ‘To you, maybe, but . . .’
    A phone rang nearby, and Ray dived for his jacket.
    ‘Saved by the bell,’ she muttered ruefully.
    ‘Hi . . . yes . . . yes . . . no, I won’t be back today; I’ll deal with it first thing. Thanks for letting me know, Mica . . .yeah, bye.’ He slipped his phone into the pocket of his shirt. ‘That was the club.’
    ‘Grandpa! Grandpa! I need to pee . . . badly, Grandpa.’ Dylan was standing in front of Ray, hopping up and down and holding his crotch. Ray jumped up.
    ‘Come on . . .’ And they headed off at a run towards the bushes at the edge of the park, leaving Jeanie feeling as if she’d just tottered off a switchback ride.
    They didn’t say much to each other after that. Jeanie clipped Ellie into the buggy, her granddaughter hot and pink-cheeked from the running game, and gave her a drink of water from her blue plastic beaker. Dylan scuffed along beside the pram, twisting his anorak up over his head like a cloak. At the park gates they said their goodbyes.
    Ray hesitated for a moment. ‘I’m sorry we didn’t have time to finish our conversation.’
    Jeanie tried to laugh. ‘Just as well. Please forget