nodded respectfully. Then Grandma stood to speak. She walked to the pulpit, took a deep breath and regarded us all. She didnât have notes. She assured Mum that she wouldnât need them and that she would speak from the heart. That was the way she wanted to do it. Grandma started by saying that Grandpa would be sadly missed. The size of the gathering was proof that Reginald was much loved and would never be forgotten. Then Grandma paused, as though she didnât know what to say next. It wasnât like Grandma to be lost for words. And Grandpa was such a wonderful man. There was no shortage of things to say.
âEvery day, Reginald would go to the shop,â Grandma said at last. âHe would wave to people on the way and they would wave back, for he was much loved by the local community.â
People nodded sadly. Yes, he was much loved by the local community.
âReginald would have conversations at the shop,â Grandma continued, âbecause everyone was Reginaldâs friend.â
There were more nods. He was everyoneâs friend.
âAnd then Reginald would buy things at the shop and he would return home. He did this every day of his life and I remember this about him. He walked to the shop. Thatâs the sort of man he was. Sometimes I walked with him. He would tell me things. Then we would both walk home carrying things from the shop.â
By now people werenât nodding quite so much. They wanted to hear something else about Grandpa. But Grandma was lost. She took out her handkerchief and blew her nose loudly. She couldnât think of another word to say. Mum stood and put her arm around her, then directed Grandma back to her seat. Bravely, Mum faced the audience. She delivered a speech that was moving and sad. She managed to say some of the things that Grandma could not.
After the funeral, people told Mum what a beautiful speech she had made. But no one mentioned Grandmaâs speech. What was there to say? Relatives just hugged her and squeezed her hand. Grandma said nothing. She looked more angry than sad.
After a small reception at Auntie Margaretâs house, we drove back to Samsara.
âWhat an awful funeral,â Grandma said.
âIt wasnât awful,â said Mum. âEveryone said it was lovely.â
âIâm only glad that Reginald didnât see it. All that stupid stuff I said about going to the shop.â
âIt was nice,â Mum insisted.
âIt was the worst speech in the history of funerals. Goodness knows what came over me. Iâd worked out exactly what I wanted to say. What made me talk about the blasted shop? Itâs a wonder I didnât say that Reginald has now gone to that big shop in the sky.â
âEveryone understands, Mum.â
A strong smell of tomatoes filled the car. We discovered that Xander stole some bubble packs of tomato sauce from the reception and some had burst in his pocket.
âPerfect,â said Dad.
âAuntie Joyce wet herself at the funeral,â said Xander.
âI thought weâd agreed not to talk about that,â Dad said.
âShe said the fountain made her do it.â
âXander, I forbid you to mention Auntie Joyceâs toilet accident again,â Dad said.
âOh, it doesnât matter,â said Grandma. âI made such a terrible speech, it doesnât matter what Joyce did. She could have peed a whole ocean. But Iâm the one who ruined the day. What an idiot I am. Reginald must be so disappointed.â
Whatever we said to Grandma, she wouldnât stop being angry with herself.
Thatâs how
âGrandpa walked to the shopâ
became a forbidden phrase in our family. Xander managed to use it every day.
Dad has made curried mince and mashed potato for dinner. Xander makes a little igloo out of his mashed potato.
âDonât play with your food, Alexander,â says Grandma.
Xander continues playing with his food. Mum talks