Tigers on the Beach by Doug MacLeod Read Free Book Online Page B

nodded respectfully. Then Grandma stood to speak. She walked to the pulpit, took a deep breath and regarded us all. She didn’t have notes. She assured Mum that she wouldn’t need them and that she would speak from the heart. That was the way she wanted to do it. Grandma started by saying that Grandpa would be sadly missed. The size of the gathering was proof that Reginald was much loved and would never be forgotten. Then Grandma paused, as though she didn’t know what to say next. It wasn’t like Grandma to be lost for words. And Grandpa was such a wonderful man. There was no shortage of things to say.
    â€˜Every day, Reginald would go to the shop,’ Grandma said at last. ‘He would wave to people on the way and they would wave back, for he was much loved by the local community.’
    People nodded sadly. Yes, he was much loved by the local community.
    â€˜Reginald would have conversations at the shop,’ Grandma continued, ‘because everyone was Reginald’s friend.’
    There were more nods. He was everyone’s friend.
    â€˜And then Reginald would buy things at the shop and he would return home. He did this every day of his life and I remember this about him. He walked to the shop. That’s the sort of man he was. Sometimes I walked with him. He would tell me things. Then we would both walk home carrying things from the shop.’
    By now people weren’t nodding quite so much. They wanted to hear something else about Grandpa. But Grandma was lost. She took out her handkerchief and blew her nose loudly. She couldn’t think of another word to say. Mum stood and put her arm around her, then directed Grandma back to her seat. Bravely, Mum faced the audience. She delivered a speech that was moving and sad. She managed to say some of the things that Grandma could not.
    After the funeral, people told Mum what a beautiful speech she had made. But no one mentioned Grandma’s speech. What was there to say? Relatives just hugged her and squeezed her hand. Grandma said nothing. She looked more angry than sad.
    After a small reception at Auntie Margaret’s house, we drove back to Samsara.
    â€˜What an awful funeral,’ Grandma said.
    â€˜It wasn’t awful,’ said Mum. ‘Everyone said it was lovely.’
    â€˜I’m only glad that Reginald didn’t see it. All that stupid stuff I said about going to the shop.’
    â€˜It was nice,’ Mum insisted.
    â€˜It was the worst speech in the history of funerals. Goodness knows what came over me. I’d worked out exactly what I wanted to say. What made me talk about the blasted shop? It’s a wonder I didn’t say that Reginald has now gone to that big shop in the sky.’
    â€˜Everyone understands, Mum.’
    A strong smell of tomatoes filled the car. We discovered that Xander stole some bubble packs of tomato sauce from the reception and some had burst in his pocket.
    â€˜Perfect,’ said Dad.
    â€˜Auntie Joyce wet herself at the funeral,’ said Xander.
    â€˜I thought we’d agreed not to talk about that,’ Dad said.
    â€˜She said the fountain made her do it.’
    â€˜Xander, I forbid you to mention Auntie Joyce’s toilet accident again,’ Dad said.
    â€˜Oh, it doesn’t matter,’ said Grandma. ‘I made such a terrible speech, it doesn’t matter what Joyce did. She could have peed a whole ocean. But I’m the one who ruined the day. What an idiot I am. Reginald must be so disappointed.’
    Whatever we said to Grandma, she wouldn’t stop being angry with herself.
    That’s how
‘Grandpa walked to the shop’
became a forbidden phrase in our family. Xander managed to use it every day.

Dad has made curried mince and mashed potato for dinner. Xander makes a little igloo out of his mashed potato.
    â€˜Don’t play with your food, Alexander,’ says Grandma.
    Xander continues playing with his food. Mum talks