To Love and Serve by Caridad Piñeiro Read Free Book Online Page A

scene photos, she winced at the violence. And yet, there was a stark beauty to them, as if the man enjoyed the killing and the staging. Far too much. He was bound to make a mistake eventually, but so far that hadn’t happened. The agents working the case had yet to develop a profile. Not good.
    She knew now why Jesus had asked her unofficially to review the materials—buried somewhere in the details was surely a clue no one else had found yet.
    A clue Diana might see because she understood the violence in the heart of the unsub more than her coworkers ever could. In the year after her father’s death, rage and aggression had filled her heart against the system that had freed the scumbag who killed her father. But also against herself, for not being able to save him.
    The counselor had called it survivor’s guilt.
    She had no name for it, only bone-deep anguish that she’d tried to numb with drink and reckless hookups with strangers. Anything to forget about what had happened, and to help her handle a father’s burden for justice.
    Somehow she’d survived that year, and all the ones after. It had taken a great deal to learn the vast difference between justice and revenge. Even longer to reconnect with her friends and family, and climb out of that deep abyss of pain and rage.
    She’d almost gotten back to normal when Ryder came into her life. Loving him and being a part of his life stole her sense of balance all over again. She lost her temper too quickly at times, was often a hair’s breadth from striking out and seeking revenge. Ryder worked hard at keeping his violence in check, managing to be kind and gentle with her and the others in his life. She was afraid if she gave in to the darkness that dwelled within her, physically or emotionally, she would become someone he couldn’t love. Wouldn’t want to be with.
    She couldn’t imagine an eternal life without him. Ryder had never associated with vampires before he became involved with her. Even then, the vampires who’d become his friends were the ones who hadn’t forgotten their humanity, who behaved with thought and compassion.
    If turned, could she hold onto to her humanity and be like Ryder and his friends? Or would she be like the others? Would the pain and rage come back and consume her?
    “Holy shit!”
    Diana whirled toward the office door. Her brother, Sebastian, stood there, his face pale, a shaky hand braced on the jamb.
    “I knocked, but you didn’t answer.” His horrified gaze was locked on the crime scene photos tacked to her bulletin board.
    She rushed over and urged him out of the room, closing the door behind them. She walked him into the living room and onto the couch. “What’s up, bro? It’s kinda late for a visit.” He lived in the same building, just one floor down, but didn’t generally drop by at all hours.
    Now that the initial shock of the photos had worn off, he tilted his chin up and his hazel eyes glimmered with annoyance. “You know Mom is going home soon. You’ve barely been down to see her during the month she’s been here.”
    No, she hadn’t. Despite the ten-plus years since her father’s death, facing her mother was still difficult. The rational part of Diana’s brain said there was nothing she could have done to save her dad, but another part wondered if she’d truly done enough. Then there was her shameful behavior afterward.
    “I’ve been busy,” she muttered.
    Sebastian’s lips firmed into a tight line. “Why do you keep pushing us away? Why do you run to him when being with him has already cost you so much?”
    “Did you ever stop to think that without Ryder I’d be dead already?”
    “There’s no way I can forget how many bullets you took that night. How it felt to have your blood flowing like a river over my hands.” He held them up, looking at his palms as if her blood was still there.
    She hugged him hard. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this part of my life.” The violent and deadly part