To Say Goodbye by Lindsay Detwiler Read Free Book Online Page B

swept away to an unreachable area.
    _______________
    Sophia picked herself up from the floor, reaching for a tissue to sop up the tears saturating her cheeks. A headache surged, and her nose was stuffy. She felt hungover from her grief. She hated how these beautiful memories were now tainted by the knowledge of the ending. It was like trying to reread your favorite book. The moments weren’t as magical, as special the second time around because you already knew how it all ended, how it all worked out. In her case, it ended with the destruction of a love that had marked her adult years.
    Before Tim had come into her life at that restaurant a decade ago, she had herself situated. She knew how to maneuver life by herself, knew how to fall asleep alone. She even enjoyed it. Now, though, she’d been lulled into a comfortable routine in his arms, had fallen in love with the idea of having someone to walk through life with. She’d grown accustomed to falling asleep beside him, coming home to him, making decisions with him. He had been the one who sang to her in the car on long rides, who remembered they were out of trash bags when they were at the grocery store. He had been the one who reminded her about her oil needing to be changed. He had been the one who remembered to clean the furnace filter regularly.
    It was so much more than the practicality of Tim that she missed. She missed the way his cologne wafted down the steps after his shower, the way he looked at her even when she was just wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt. She missed the way “I love you” rolled off his tongue, the way he would sneak up behind her and wrap his arms around her. She missed how he was drawn to every dog in the park, crouching down to pet it roughly as he turned to beg her for one of their own. She missed their inside jokes, their playfulness. She missed how he would sing Nelly’s “Grills” into the spatula every time he fired up the grill like a total cornball. She missed how he could make her laugh her head off when she felt like crying. She missed the feel of his hands stroking her hair, rubbing her shoulders, easing her into a state of calmness.
    She craved the feel of his hand brushing hers in bed when they were making love, or the easy laughter they shared afterward. She missed him, all of him, every single part of their life together. She would do anything to go back to being the twenty-two-year-old just meeting the man who would change everything. She would do anything to have those moments back, to not know how fleeting everything was. She wanted to go back to being the naïve girl who thought they had a lifetime of memories ahead of them.
    But she couldn’t. Now it was Stella’s turn to start fresh, to experience new love at Mama’s Diner with this handsome man named Larry. It was her turn to share first kisses, first fights, and first I love yous. It was her turn.
    Because Sophia’s turn was over.
    Everyone told her she was young enough to move on eventually. How could she? Why would she want to? She’d had a once in a lifetime love, a love at first sight over lasagna kind of love, a knock her mismatched socks off kind of passion she couldn’t find anywhere else.
    Grabbing her jacket from the closet in the back room, she headed out of the shop, locking the door and shutting off the light on her way. She headed to the only place she felt safe these days, the only place where someone understood her. It was a short walk, but it was a painful one. She trudged on, alone, all alone, the new status of her life.
    Ten minutes later, she stood, feet aching, staring at the only thing left of Tim in this world. She ran her hands over the smooth stone, her fingers tracing the letters as they always did.
    She crumpled to her knees, her head on the stone. She wanted to bash her head against it, to keep bashing it until she was gone. She wanted to lie here on this ground until she too was dead.
    She wanted to be with him, to feel his arms