Tracing Holland (NSB Book 2) by Alyson Santos Read Free Book Online Page B

gets
heavy. He knows. I can tell by the look on his face that he understands what
this moment means to me, and all the teasing is gone from his expression. He’s
no longer worried about butterflies, just me.
    I suck in my breath and turn back to the audience, finally able
to breathe again when my eyes rest on the lone judge seated in the center of
the first row. It’s Callie. Just Callie, gazing up at me, eyes full, waiting
for me to be the person she discovered.
    I wrote it in D. I have to start trusting myself at some
point. As the music pours out, I can almost feel the suffocating curtain start
to lift.

 
    “Crawl in,
crawl out
    Terrified but
moving now
    Claw
up , slide down
    There’s no
going back, can’t go back

 
    Break
down , break out
    Break
down , break out

 
    Brand new day
feast on the dark
    Shuttered
light, reluctant spark
    Growing dawn
and setting sun
    Fight song of
the desperate one.

 
    Cocoon
shredding
    Past, heading
straight for the wall
    No more regretting,
just breathing
    Underwater

 
    Too late to
choose, too far to fall
    Nowhere to go
but on
    No more
excuses, no denial
    No holding on
to lost time

 
    Break out,
I’m breaking out

 
    Brand new day
release the dark
    A new light,
the smallest spark
    Growing dawn
and setting sun
    Fight song of
the desperate one.

 
    Break
it down , break it
    Breaking out,
just break it, break it”

 
    I hadn’t even realized I’d closed my
eyes until the last note lingers in the air, in the darkness behind my eyelids.
I open them, and am shocked, a little shaken, when I see Holland seated next to
Callie. They both are staring at me with grave expressions as I back away from
the mic and face my band.
    “I mean. I’m still working on it,” I
explain into the silence. “Just…”
    “It’s awesome, man,” Casey says,
cutting off my instinctive apology. “I love it. We haven’t done anything that
hard in a long time.”
    “Yeah, dude. That bridge is sick,”
Sweeny echoes. “Can we run it again? I have a couple things I want to try.”
    “Yes! Definitely,” Casey agrees. “We’ve
got plenty of time. How’s it sounding out there, Miles?” he calls to the front-of-house
engineer.
    “Guitar and vocal sounded great! Love
the new stuff. Would also love to get a full check now,” Miles returns into our
ears.
    I swallow, unnerved
by the sudden warmth spreading through me. I don’t know what to do with it, and turn back to Callie and…Holland is gone.

 
    ∞∞∞∞

 
    “Luke! Hey!”
    I stop on my way back to the bus and
turn toward Tess, our road manager.
    “How’s everything? Did you get a chance
to grab some food?”
    I smile and nod. “Yep. Thanks, Tess.”
    “What about the bus? Does anything need
to be restocked before we roll out tonight?”
    “I don’t think so. Maybe
a few bottles of water. Hey, do you know if Gary is all good to take
care of Tracing Holland tonight?”
    “Yes! He’s all set.”
    “Did he get in touch with Steven?”
    “Steven?”
    “Holland’s backline tech who had to leave.”
    Tess waves her hand. “Oh, right! Sorry,
I can’t believe I forgot his name. I don’t know, but I’ll check.” She quiets,
and I brace myself. It’s that look I’ve come to dread. The “you’re-a-fragile-little-dandelion-but-we-love-you”
look.
    “How are you, Luke? How’s it been being
back?”
    “I’m good,” I answer. As if I’d say
anything else. “It’s an adjustment, but going ok.”
    “You sure? You’ll let me know if
there’s anything you need, right?”
    I try to hold in my sigh at the
familiar script. She means well. They all mean well. “Yes, of course. I’ll let
you know, but I’m good,” I repeat.
    I don’t know if she believes me or not,
but at least she seems to understand that’s the best she’ll get. I have this
conversation memorized at this point. There are a few versions of it and I’m
grateful that Tess is sensitive enough to make it the short one.
    “Ok, well, I’ll