Travesties by Tom Stoppard Read Free Book Online Page B

his canteloupe contorts himself with mirth
   To read the blatant bulletins of the rulers of the earth?’
–and ending:
   ‘It’s Mr Dooley
   Mr Dooley
   The wisest wight our country ever knew!
   “Poor Europe ambles
   like sheep to shambles”
   Sighs Mr Dooley-ooley-ooley-ooo.’
or some other cause altogether, the impression remains that I
regard both sides with equal indifference.
    CARR : And you don’t?
    JOYCE : Only as an artist. As an artist, naturally I attach no importance to the swings and roundabout of political history. But I come here not as an artist but as James A. Joyce. I am an Irishman. The proudest boast of an Irishman is – I paid back my way …
    CARR : So it is money.
    JOYCE : A couple of pounds would be welcome – certainly, but it is to repay a debt that I have come. Not long ago, after many years of self-reliance and hardship during which my work had been neglected and reviled even to the point of being burned by a bigoted Dublin printer, there being no other kind of printer available in Dublin, I received £100 from the Civil List at the discretion of the Prime Minister.
    CARR : The Prime Minister –?
    JOYCE : Mr Asquith.
    CARR : I am perfectly well aware who the Prime Minister
is
– I am the representative of His Majesty’s Government in Zurich.
    JOYCE : The Prime Minister is Mr Lloyd George, but at that time it was Mr Asquith.
    CARR : Oh yes.
    JOYCE : I do not at this moment possess £100, nor was it the intention that I would repay the debt in kind. However I mentioned the English Players. By the fortune of war, Zurich has become the theatrical centre of Europe. Here culture is the continuation of war by other means – Italian opera against French painting – German music against Russian ballet – but nothing from England. Night after night, actors totter about the raked stages of this alpine renaissance, speaking in every tongue but one – the tongue of Shakespeare – of Sheridan – of Wilde … The English Players intend to mount a repertoire of masterpieces that will show the Swiss who leads the world in dramatic art.
    CARR : Gilbert and Sullivan – by God!
    GWEN : And also Mr Joyce’s own play
Exiles
which so far, unfortunately –
    JOYCE : That’s quite by the way –
    CARR :
Patience!
    JOYCE : Exactly. First things first.
    CARR :
Trial by Jury! Pirates of Penzance!
    JOYCE : We intend to begin with that quintessential English jewel,
The Importance of Being Earnest
.
    CARR (
Pause
): I don’t know it. But I’ve heard of it and I don’t like it. It is a play written by an Irish – (
Glances at
GWENDOLEN ) Gomorrahist – Now look here, Janice, I may as well tell you, His Majesty’s Government –
    JOYCE : I have come to ask you to play the leading role.
    CARR : What?
    JOYCE : We would be honoured and grateful.
    CARR : What on earth makes you think that I am qualified to play the leading role in
The Importance of Being Earnest?
    GWEN : It was my suggestion, Henry. You were a wonderful Goneril at Eton.
    CARR : Yes, I know, but –
    JOYCE : We are short of a good actor to play the lead – he’s an articulate and witty English gentleman –
    CARR : Ernest?
    JOYCE : Not Ernest – the other one.
    CARR (
Tempted
): No – no – I absolutely –
    JOYCE : Aristocratic – romantic – epigrammatic – he’s a young swell.
    CARR : A swell…?
    JOYCE : He says things like, I may occasionally be a little overdressed but I make up for it by being immensely overeducated. That gives you the general idea of him.
    CARR: How many changes of costume?
    JOYCE : Two complete outfits.
    CARR : Town or country?
    JOYCE : First one then the other.
    CARR : Indoors or out?
    JOYCE : Both.
    CARR : Summer or winter?
    JOYCE : Summer but not too hot.
    CARR : Not raining?
    JOYCE : Not a cloud