Two To The Fifth by Piers Anthony Read Free Book Online Page A

creative in a literary manner. To write and produce plays. Somehow he had never thought of it before. The Good Magician had known.
    But what would he do for a wife? He needed someone to truly understand and support him. Had he just doomed himself to become a successful bachelor playwright? Happy on the outside, lonely on the inside?
    “Thank you,” he said belatedly as Wira guided him away from the study.
    “That wasn't the Question I had expected you to ask,” Wira said as they walked.
    “My mind got garbled,” he admitted.
    “Actually I think it was a better Question. You should be able to find a suitable woman on your own.”
    “If I only knew how,” he said ruefully.
    She laughed. “I can tell you that. Merely make a general announcement that you are interested in a relationship provided you find a suitable woman. Women will flock to demonstrate their suitability. Select the best one.”
    “I can't believe it's that easy.”
    “Actually it's easier. She will select you. Naturally she will pretend that you did the selecting.”
    “Naturally,” he echoed weakly.
    “Don't let on that I told you. It might be considered a violation of the Female Conspiracy.”
    “There's a Female Conspiracy?”
    “Oops; men aren't supposed to know about that. About how we actually govern them. Don't tell.”
    “I won't,” he agreed weakly. But his private respect for women was increasing significantly. He had seen the way his mother governed his father, but had assumed that was because she was barbarian and as a robot he lacked imagination. Evidently it was more than that.
    Back in the sock-sorting chamber he confessed his amazement to Sofia. “He gave me my Answer, a better one than I perhaps deserved, and I will perform my Service. But it's hard to see how I qualify for the mission you have described.”
    “The Challenges took care of that,” Sofia said matter-of-factly. She was a very matter-of-fact woman, just as Wira was a very understanding one. “You would never have gotten through had you not been qualified.”
    “But they consisted of seemingly random elements such as a knuckle sandwich, a Tuff guy, and a Strip Tide.”
    “Disparate elements,” she agreed. “A good play director may have to understand and assemble similar elements to make his production work.”
    “Oh.” She was right. “Then I had to identify opposing ants. How does that relate to a play production?”
    “Identifying individuals by their salient qualities, so as to fairly understand their capacities. This is necessary for proper casting in roles.”
    He nodded. “So it is. And maybe I will have to relate at some point to ants. But the third Challenge had a nasty dust devil I had to squelch. I don't see how that relates.”
    “You will be dealing with actors,” she said. “Creative, sensitive, emotive types who need to be carefully managed. Some will be obnoxious, especially when they don't get the lead roles they are sure they deserve. You will need to handle them, politely if possible, impolitely if necessary. Just as you handled Dusti. Who was, incidentally, playing a role herself; she's actually a nice person, for a devil.”
    Again she was right, “How it is that a smart woman like you is satisfied doing a menial chore like sorting socks?”
    “I am good at it, and I love the magic ambiance, even though I have no magic of my own. There's something about Xanth that makes me glad to be here.”
    “And we are glad to have you here. Sofia.” Wira said. “And not just because of the socks. You handle Magician Humfrey as competently as you do the socks.”
    “Well, they are two of a kind, socks and men,” Sofia said, putting together two matching stockings. “All it requires is sufficient socks appeal.”
    Truly, Cyrus thought, women did manage men. “Maybe you could help me with something else, before we return to business. I am at best an ordinary person, only imperfectly human or machine. Yet full-human women seem to be