Uncle John's Presents Book of the Dumb 2 by John Michael Scalzi Read Free Book Online Page B

them if they’d like to buy the baby. What yuks!
    Yes, a good time was had by all, or at least by one, until the police showed up, charged Joe and his wife with childendangerment, and briefly put the baby in the care of Child Protective Services. It seems that approaching random strangers and telling them that you’re interested in unloading your baby to them makes people call the police to tell them all about you because they believe you. They have no idea you’re just some idiot with a really bad sense of humor. They don’t know you at all. That’s why they’re called “strangers.”
    After a nice long conversation with Joe and his wife, the local police were eventually convinced that they didn’t actually have baby-sellers on their hands, just people with a mal-adjusted sense of what’s funny. “Right now we’re leaning toward a conclusion that it was not an authentic offer,” a police spokesman told The Philadelphia Inquirer. “But if he thought he was being funny, it sure wasn’t very humorous.” Well, it’s kind of funny now. Just not in the way Joe intended.
    Source: The Philadelphia Inquirer, Associated Press, ABC News

    Â 
Someone Left the Rake Out in the Rain
    T immy,” who was twelve, was misbehaving in school. So naturally Timmy’s mom knew that she had to discipline her child to make him understand the consequences of his actions. And of course, that’s fine: the parent who won’t discipline his or her own child creates a problem child for the rest of us.
    Timmy’s mom’s choice of discipline: Timmy had to rake the leaves in the front yard! Well, that’s tough but fair; it’s physical labor and something most kids don’t enjoy, but at the same time it’s something useful, and at least the boy will get some fresh air. So, on balance, a reasonable punishment. Get raking, Timmy!
    Oh yeah, one other thing, said Timmy’s mom. Timmy would be raking the leaves completely naked. In the rain. With high winds. While the temperatures are in the 40s.
    And it’s here, alas, that Timmy’s mom lost us. And apparently, she lost the rest of the neighbors in her Virginia neighborhood, too, since one of them called the police to complain that a twelve-year-old was out naked in the rain. Timmy was still in the front yard, rake in hand, when the cops rolled up. Shortly thereafter they rolled away with Timmy’s mom in tow because she’d been charged with felony child neglect, which, speaking of appropriate discipline, can get you five years in the Virginia pen.
    Source: Freelance-Star (Fredricksburg, VA)

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    The Really Stupid Quiz
Dumbing in the Family
    O ne of the stories below has good relations with the truth. Two of them are shady second cousins. Which is which? That’s for us to know and you to guess.
    1.   The “evil twin” concept, beloved by Hollywood, got a real life workout when Tim Garrity of Dallas, Texas, was cited for disturbing the peace when witnesses saw his truck and a man matching his description tearing up and down residential streets in the early morning hours. But Garrity was home sleeping next to his wife at the time of the events. However, Garrity’s identical twin brother, Charlie, who lived with their parents less than a mile away, had keys to both Tim’s house and his truck. Upon questioning, Charlie initially denied borrowing the car, but admitted to a drunken joyride after persuasion from his mother, who, as Dallas police officer Wayne McDonald said, “smacked him upside the head and told him to tell the truth.”
    2 .   Kids sure love their video games, but some kids like their video games more than others. A lot more. Like, to a dangerously unhealthy degree. Like “Soo,” a Hong Kong thirteen-year-old so wrapped up in his computer game that he hardly noticed when midnight rolled around. His dad noticed the time and came in to tell Soo