Uncovering You 9: Liberation by Scarlett Edwards Read Free Book Online Page A

mind.
    Who’s at fault here? Jeremy? Are these visions, these hallucinations coming because of the collar? Is the collar what made Paul into who he is? Or was it the drugs?
    One or the other, does it really make a difference? I don’t need to lay blame. I need to find a solution. A solution to fix my mind.
    If one even exists .
    Now that is a ghastly thought. Tonight was proof that Jeremy’s story about brain damage checks out.
    There is love and there is beauty. Both in living and in death.
    Right now, I feel like I’m trapped in a void—not quite there and not quite here.
    The uncertainty frightens me. The things happening to my mind terrify me. Just when I thought I was safe, when I thought that I could finally make peace with who Jeremy Stonehart is and the world he has brought me into, an episode like this leaves me reeling.
    It’s quiet in the sunroom. So far detached from the rest of the house, it is impossible to judge whether the guests are still here or have already left. Impossible, really, with the calm tranquility of the sea, to say how much time has passed.
    I feel another presence in the room.
    In fact, I’ve felt if for quite some time.
    I turn my head slightly, and I see him, outlined in the dark. Jeremy Stonehart.
    I look back out toward the ocean. He does not stir. He watches me, alone in my own thoughts. I know he will not come to me until I give my permission.
    Another eternity passes. I feel like I’m witnessing the stretch of a lifetime. Finally, I incline my head, just a little. His arm comes around my waist.
    “What happened to you tonight, Lilly?” he asks softly.
    I feel the sudden urge to cry and tell him everything: My vulnerability, my consistent doubts. The conflicting thoughts and emotions darting through my head. The way I can love him absolutely one moment and hate him the next. The way I want to hurt him— really hurt him—and make him suffer the same way that I suffered. The dishonesty that I harbor. The web of lies that my life has become.
    I want to weep against his chest and confess everything. I want to feel him hold me, to feel his strong hand stroke my hair and hear him tell me that everything will be alright. I want to hear him tell me what I told him: that he is not alone in the world anymore, that he could put his trust in me, that I will be there for him always.
    I want to hear him say it. I want those words and vows and promises to apply to me.
    Without them, I am breaking. I am drowning in a cesspool of my own creation. I do not blame Jeremy anymore. I’ve been given every opportunity to get out. I’ve made my choice. The choice to remain by him forever.
    But the loneliness that comes from that choice is nearly overwhelming. It is suffocating me, restricting me in my thoughts and in my movements. I am not trapped in Stonehart’s mansion anymore, no. I am trapped somewhere much worse.
    I am trapped in my own mind.
    “Lilly?” Jeremy asks. “Talk to me. Don’t shut me out. Tell me what happened. Why did you come here?”
    “Are they gone?” I ask, avoiding his questions. “Are the guests still here?”
    “The party wound down long ago,” he says. He takes my hand. “Yes, they’re gone. Is that why you didn’t come upstairs? I waited and waited for you in bed, Lilly. When you didn’t show up, I had to come find you.”
    “You knew I was here,” I mutter. “You could have seen me through your cameras.”
    Jeremy steps back a little. What pale light comes from the stairs lets me see enough of his face to make out the concern. “I gave those up,” he tells me. “I gave them to you. Remember? I cannot see what goes on in my house anymore.”
    “Oh,” I sigh. “That’s right.”
    “Something happened after you left. Didn’t it?” Jeremy insists. “Tell me.”
    I shake my head. I don’t want to worry him with my troubles. For the moment, it feels better—safer, even—to simply turn a blind eye.
    I squeeze his hand and turn away from the window.