Unfriending My Ex: And Other Things I'll Never Do by Kim Stolz Read Free Book Online Page B

start moving. Like moving for your BlackBerry” or your iPhone.
    My friend Dr. Amy Wicker told me about a simple self-test that has proven accurate in identifying problems with alcohol known as the CAGE questionnaire, utilized by health care professionals to see if a patient may be addicted to alcohol. CAGE stands for cut , annoy , guilty , and eye-opener , each of which is represented in the questionnaire. Dr. Wicker told me that if you answer yes to at least two of these questions, the possibility of alcoholism should be investigated further. I began to wonder if the CAGE questionnaire could be used to determine usage patterns that reflect problems with excessive smartphone use with similar levels of accuracy.
    Have you ever felt you should C ut down on your usage?
    To help you, here are some telltale signs from my own life:
    • Your friends constantly make sarcastic comments about your smartphone or Facebook use and say things like “Look at Kim on her iPhone again! She’s so much fun to have dinner with!” I’ve gotten this one hundreds of times.
    • You’ve made life-changing decisions because of your addiction (e.g., you failed to go to class because you were immersed in heavy stalking of your ex, or perhaps you called in sick to work because you drunk-texted a coworker the night before and simply could not stand to be seen).
    Have you ever been A nnoyed by your friends’ criticism of your addiction?
    Again, use my own experiences as a guide:
    • Your friends tell you in advance that they will only go to dinner with you if you keep your smartphone in your bag and away from the table. In response, you get defensive and threaten to call the dinner off.
    • Your friends grab your phone out of your hand while you are texting in an effort to express their annoyance and, in turn, you grab theirs out of their bag and throw them on the floor.
    Have you ever felt G uilty or bad about your usage?
    These are particularly embarrassing for me:
    • You have started faking bathroom trips during dinners to get your fix without people knowing about it because you feel guilty.
    • You find yourself lying about your usage to almost everyone you know.
    • You write an entire book about it (ugh).
    Do you ever need to check your smartphone first thing in the morning (an E ye-opener) in order to start your day and steady your nerves?
    Things to admit to yourself:
    • You cannot go more than ten minutes (one minute) after you wake up without checking your smartphone/social media.
    • Not seeing your phone on your bedside in the morning sends you into a state of complete anxiety. You jump out of bed, find your laptop, and use the Find My iPhone app to create loud pings to see if you can find it. If that doesn’t work, you begin blaming others. Someone must have stolen it! Later, you find it in the bathroom.
    When I used the CAGE questions as a guide to talk to people in my generation about their smartphone and Internet use, I estimated that 96 percent of us were addicted. The language we used to talk about our digital lives was strikingly similar to the words used by other friends and people I’ve spoken to who have gone through actual substance abuse. Our lives are full of shame and secrecy. One person admitted, “I try to hide from my boyfriend the fact that when I wake up each morning, I roll over and check my Facebook and Instagram, and pretend that I am really just on my side taking a vitamin and drinking water.” Also, do people really keep vitamins by their bedside? All I have are my phone/iPad/computer and their respective chargers.
    William Powers, author of Hamlet’s BlackBerry , describes our addiction as akin to being on a “hamster wheel” of always needing another hit of dopamine. He said to me,“There is something satisfying that we all feel deep inside when we hear the sound of a new e-mail coming in or seethat . . . light on our phones. But really, how satisfying is it? How much is that