out in small steps, day by day, over a couple of months. I hope your recovery comes more quickly, but there are benefits to a gradual revival. As the fog of despair slowly lifted, I was grateful for every ray of light that came through. Even more, once my head began to clear of the self-defeating thoughts, I appreciated the time I was given to reflect and contemplate my plunge into the abyss.
It should go without saying that putting your faith into action is not a passive exercise. You have to actively and willfully take the necessary steps to locate and move along the path God designed for you. When you fall off the path, as I did in this instance, at some point you have to ask yourselfwhat happened, why it happened, and what you need to do to resume your journey of faith and purpose.
The worst times that test your faith can be the best times for renewing it and putting it into action. A wise soccer coach once told me that he values losing as much as he values winning, because losing reveals weaknesses and failings that have probably been there all the time and need to be addressed if the team is to experience long-term success. Losses also motivate his players to work on the skills they need to master in order to win.
When your life is going well, the natural tendency is not to pause and assess it. Most of us only take the time to examine our lives, our careers, and our relationships when we aren’t getting our desired results. In every setback, failure, and defeat, there are valuable lessons to be learned and even blessings to be unlocked.
In the early days of my despair over my company’s debt, I wasn’t much in the mood for seeking out the lessons. But they found me over time, and the blessings revealed themselves too. I don’t like to reflect on that period, but I force myself to revisit it because new layers unfold and more lessons emerge on every visit. I encourage you to look for the learning points in each of your own challenges. You may be tempted to put hard times behind you and out of your mind. No one likes feeling vulnerable. It’s certainly no fun recalling how I wallowed in my misery, held pity parties, and grossly overreacted to what proved to be a temporary setback.
Yet one of the best ways to take the pain out of past experiences is to replace the hurt with gratitude. The Bible tells us that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
My uncle Batta Vujicic, who has faced difficult challenges in his real estate business, has helped me many times by gently repeating his mantraof faith: “It’s all positive.” My young cousins put their own spin on it, saying, “Dude, it’s all good in the hood!”
P ERCEPTIONS V ERSUS R EALITY
During my meltdown I experienced something that you may have noticed in your own trials. As stress opened up old wounds and insecurities, my perception of what was going on became much worse than the reality of the situation. One tip-off that your response is out of sync with your actual situation is the use of inflated and exaggerated descriptions such as:
This is killing me
.
I will
never
recover from this!
This is absolutely the worst thing that’s ever happened to me
.
Why does God hate me?
And there is the always popular:
My life is destroyed
—forever!
I will not admit to actually saying any of those silly things during my recent tribulations, but some people who were in my vicinity might have thought they heard similar lamentations. (Or worse!)
Once again, I am honored to provide you with a good example of a bad example in my own behavior. The wielding of such over-the-top language should have served as a warning that my despair was excessive.
Here are my perceptions of what was going on:
I’m a failure! I’m going to go bankrupt! My worst fears are realized! I’m not able to support myself! I’m a burden on my parents! I’m not worthy of love!
Here is the reality of what was