back together. A startled sound left her lips at his touch. “Can I tell you something?”
“Yes.”
“I’m happy you have her, but I hate the thought of another man giving you a child.”
“Ryan.”
“Let me finish. I hate what your father did to you. Most of all, I hate myself for what I did to you.”
“It isn’t your fault. The past can’t be changed.”
“Will you forgive me? Can you?”
“I never blamed you. I was angry for a long time. Hurt. When I found the courage to let the pain go, I realized I would always have love for you. The vision you saw was true, Ryan. I’m damaged inside. I’ll never have any more children.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Allaina is special, unusually strong, but I guess you already saw that. I have my daughter because she survived the rape.”
“What are you saying?”
“When I was able to leave, I went on to university, but I could barely keep up with my schoolwork. I’d never felt so sick in my life. I was so depressed, no hope, no heart, grieving over you and the baby. I cut myself off from everyone, even Liv. One morning I woke and looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t go on living the way I’d been and I didn’t want to, Ryan. I wanted to die. I had a handful of sleeping pills the doctor had prescribed for insomnia.”
“Kate.”
She placed her other hand over his. “I was going to end it all, but then I felt a flutter in my stomach, barely. I didn’t know what to think. I skipped classes that day and went to my doctor. He confirmed I was pregnant, several months pregnant. I had miscarried our baby, but the doctor said there had been two. I was terrified of the effect the sleeping medication I’d been taking might have had on her, but you can see she’s perfect, most often a smart alec, but perfect.”
Then Allie had to be his child. Why hadn’t he seen it before? She has my eyes, Dad’s dark hair. He felt a grin begin to spread across his face.
“She’s mine?”
“Yes.”
“You should have told me.”
“How could I? You called me a murdering bitch. You ignored my calls, letters and any attempt to tell you through your family. So, by your choice you find out like this.”
“If I had known, I would have come back. I want to know my daughter.” A shiver ran down his spine. My daughter. I have a daughter. Kate and I have a daughter. The words repeated over and over through his mind. “Please. Don’t keep her from me.”
“I couldn’t if I tried. Allie’s been trying to get me to show up on your doorstep since she was five. So, what do we do now? We both made mistakes, Ryan. We can start with friends.”
Ryan shrugged. The pain he’d felt earlier was only a ghost now. He didn’t have the answers any more than Kate did, but he still held her hand. He wanted to kiss her, take her in his arms and carry her into the house. He wanted to make love to her in her old room and wash away the destruction with fresh memories, but he didn’t have the right to hold her anymore. Just like Devin had implied, she might have a lover.
“I don’t know, but for starters I want to buy this house.”
* * * *
The complete flip in conversation caught Kate off guard. “What?”
“That’s why I came here. I wanted to look at the house. I need my own space, and this house needs healing. I can make this place something good. Maybe when I’m finished, you’ll allow Allaina to visit.”
“Okay. I’ll contact the realtor first thing tomorrow. You do realize Allie will probably drive you crazy now that she knows you are here.”
“I want to know everything about her. When is her birthday?”
“The same day as yours.”
“Wow. I guess I have a lot of surprises in store. Had dinner yet? Ma’s cooking stew, but then I guess that’s where you were headed.”
“Yes. Allie will be there by now, probably creating scandalous tales of her parents stealing kisses on the porch steps after years of pining for each other.”
“Walk