frequently wore tiny miniskirts that her mother considered scandalous, Stephanie Glowitz felt embarrassingly exposed sitting up on the exam table.
In nervous agitation she kept tugging at the hem and flattening the wrinkles so that the gown lay smoothly on her thighs.
“It’s going to be ok,” her mom assured. Winnie Glowitz was a rock. She patted Stephanie’s leg with a palm as dry and soft as talc.
“Yeah, it is. I know it. I feel good. No, I feel great; better than I have in years. And I think I look better, too. You know the sexy checker at the supermarket? Yesterday, when I ran to get your hair color, he was all like dammmn , girl .”
The combination of chemo and radiation therapy had been the most horrid experience of her life. She had felt like killing herself almost on a daily basis, but it did have one plus: she’d lost a ton of weight and was fitting into clothes she hadn’t been able to squeeze her fat ass into since high school.
Winnie made a face like she had smelled something odd. “That checker is a gay, dear. Everyone knows that. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that you are looking so much better. I just wish your hair would grow back faster. Why aren’t you wearing the wig? That fuzzy cap is…childish. You’re twenty-eight not five. It just doesn’t suit you.”
“I kinda want to feel like a child,” Steph replied, touching the soft acorn cap. It was pink in color and angora-soft. “All this was like a real big deal. I don’t know how to explain it other than to tell you it feels like I’m reborn, you know? Like now I get this do-over. Like I get my life back but with a fresh start. I feel young again."
“I guess I can understand that.” Winnie stared up at her daughter feeling a warmth of pride in her bosom. “Really, you do look younger with that cap. If your dad was alive he’d swear you were his little Bubbles again.”
Stephanie choked and put a finger to her lips. “Don’t ever say the B word out loud. You know how long it took me to lose that nickname?” The truth was that it took until she was a freshman at Vanderbilt where she traded in the nickname Bubbles for the name Stone City , though people tended to call her Stoney for short.
The reminder of her nickname, the newer one, not the sweet one her dad used to call her, had her jonesing for a joint again and her foot started to shake. That was the only positive to being on chemo—she was able to smoke all the weed she wanted and no one would say shit about it. Not even her mother. Whenever Winnie would catch Steph “self-medicating” her lips would get tight and her smile would turn crooked but she never said shit.
“Oh man, this wait is killing me,” Stephanie said, her thumb subconsciously coming to her mouth. She started to nibble at the edge of the nail. “I mean, how long does it take to look at a CAT scan and say: clear, next.”
“It’s going to be ok,” Winnie said a second time. “There were a lot of people in the waiting room, remember? Dr. Wilson is a great oncologist. He probably has just a ton of people to get through before…”
A knock at the door stopped her. She looked up at Steph and their eyes met—they were both suddenly afraid. The knock hadn’t been Dr. Wilson’s usual peppy knuckle rap. This knock had been two low taps.
“C-Come in,” Steph said, her voice cracking.
Dr. Samuel Wilson was tall and dapper. His usual smile radiated from his deep brown face with confidence and showed a real pleasure in living life. His smile just then held a strong suggestion of pity.
Stephanie started shaking her head from side-to-side. “No. Uh-uh. I f-feel good. I feel great, ok?”
“Is it that obvious on my face?” he asked coming forward, not to listen to her heart with his stethoscope, or to take her temperature, but to hold her hands. “I’m sorry, but the first cycle of chemo wasn’t successful.”
Winnie stood up. Her eyes roved all around the room and could not find