We Give a Squid a Wedgie by C. Alexander London Read Free Book Online

clear. She was tired of her brother being mad at her.
    “Can we watch
Valerie-at-Large
?” Celia asked. It was a new show, the biggest hit on TweenTV, and she hadn’t seen a single episode. The thought made her feel sick. Everyone at school would be talking about it.
    “Humph,” Oliver grunted without looking at her.
The Squid Whisperer
was demonstrating something on a bagpipe. Or maybe it was an octopus wearing a kilt. The show was really stupid.
    “Please? Anything but this.” Celia groaned. “Oliver, fine. I’m sorry.”
    “For what?” Oliver asked. His sister had chosen Corey Brandt over him and he wanted her to admit it.
    “For …” Celia didn’t want to admit that she actually wanted to go sailing with Corey Brandt. She had to think of something else to apologize for.
    “Too late.” Oliver dropped the remote on the couch and went to his room, slamming the door. He didn’t really feel like watching
The Squid Whisperer
anyway.
    Celia watched him go. He was being such a baby.
    She changed the channel. She tried to watch
Valerie-at-Large
, but she had trouble paying attention. Valerie was a reporter for the school paper and she wanted to know what happened at Addison Garrity’s birthday party, but only the girls in the Six Sisters Club were invited. To join, Valerie had to do all these crazy stunts. She spent a night in a graveyard and she stole a towel from the boys’ locker room. Then there was a ceremony with candles and a chant about being friends forever. She promised to keep their secrets, even though they weren’t nice girls. But she needed to write her article. It was a moral dilemma. Break her vow or break her duties as a reporter for the school paper?
    Celia turned it off. She didn’t like all the double-­crossing and the moral dilemmas on the show. There were enough of those in real life.
    She tried to get Oliver to come out of his room, but he just shouted for her to go away.
    “Go call your new best friend, Corey!” he yelled through the door.
    Celia slouched into her room and flopped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling until she fell asleep.
    Just as their father had promised, they began training the next day. They had to learn about thelaws of the sea and how to read navigational charts and what to do if they fell overboard during a monsoon. Dr. Navel taught them the five “points of sail” and how to launch a dinghy—a smaller motorized boat—from a moving sailboat, while holding supplies on your back and a knife in your teeth. They used a wooden spoon for practice.
    “Aye ill ee eed u oh dat?” said Oliver with the spoon gripped in his mouth.
    His father looked puzzled.
    “Why will we need to know that?” Celia translated. Oliver glared at her.
    “Oh,” said Dr. Navel with a shrug. “These are just basic skills that every mariner should have. Pop quiz! Question one: which sail is the mizzen sail on a sailboat?”
    The children groaned and spent the next hour answering their dad’s questions, never once speaking directly to each other.
    Afterward they watched television side by side in silence.
Beast Busters
,
The Squid Whisperer
, and
Sharkapalooza
reruns. Oliver refused to watch anything with Corey Brandt in it—Celia’s betrayal was that teenager’s fault—and he wouldn’t let her watch
Valerie-at-Large
, mostly because it was ­boring. When she tried to grab the remote, he pulled it away. When she tried again, he shoved it down the back of his pants and sat on it.
    “Gross,” Celia said.
    “Whatever,” said Oliver. “It’s safe there.”
    It was the closest thing they had to a conversation that day.

8
WE FACE OUR FRIENDS

    AFTER WINTER VACATION , school started again for Oliver and Celia Navel the way it starts for everyone: too soon.
    The first few days back in sixth grade were a jumble of kids comparing the presents they got and the video games they played and the vacations they took or didn’t take. The teachers spent those first cold days