What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff Read Free Book Online Page A

Should you take your parents or in-laws up on their volunteer baby care and household help in the first weeks, that is if they’re able, willing, and available? That depends on whether you can handle a little (or a lot) of well-meant, (mostly) good-natured interference—and how you would respond if “helping out” morphs into a full-on takeover (it happens in the best of families).
    You feel the more generations the merrier? By all means, extend the invite. Suspect that two generations would be cozy company but that three could be a stressful crowd? Don’t hesitate to let the soon-to-be-grandparents know that you’d rather spend those early weeks bonding your brand new family unit and becoming comfortable in your brand new roles as parents. Promise a visit once everyone’s adjusted—with the reminder that baby will be more responsive, more interesting, more awake, and more fun by then.
    For Parents: Running Grandparent Interference
    Have a set (or two) of parents who haven’t quite accepted that you’re about to become the parents now? That’s not surprising—after all, you probably haven’t fully grasped that reality yet, either. But it can be a red flag of grandparental interference to come … or that’s already arrived.
    One of your first responsibilities as parents? Letting your parents know it while helping them ease into their brand new (supporting, not starring) role as grandparents.
    Say it early (and as often as necessary), say it firmly, and most of all, say it lovingly. Explain to any well-meaning but meddling grandparents that they did a wonderful job of raising you and your spouse, but that it’s your turn to wear the parent pants. There will be times when you’ll welcome their know-how (especially if grandma has cataloged somewhere in her vast reserves of experience a surefire trick for calming a crying newborn) but other times when you’ll want to learn from your pediatrician, books, websites, apps, parent peers, and your mistakes—much as they probably did. Explain, too, that not only is it important for you to set the rules (as they did when they first became parents), but that many of the rules have changed since they were in the parenting game (babies are no longer put to sleep on their tummies or fed on a schedule), which is why their way of doing things may no longer be recommended. And don’t forget to say it with humor. Point out that chances are the changing tables will turn once again when your child becomes a parent—and rejects your parenting strategies as old school.
    That said, try to keep two things in mind—especially when you find yourself butting heads with butting-in grandparents. First, they may come across as know-it-alls, but they probably know more than you’d like to give them credit for—and there’s always something to learn from their experience, even if it’s only what not to do. And second, if parenthood is a responsibility (and it is), grandparenthood is the reward (and it should be).
    For Parents: Prepping the Family Pet
    Already have a baby in the house—the kind with four legs and a tail? Then you’re probably wondering how your dog or cat will react when you bring home a baby of a different kind (the human kind)—a tiny, noisy, and intrusive intruder who will soon be sharing a place in your heart and on your lap, and possibly taking your pet’s place in your bed or bedroom. Though some initial moping—and even some regression in the house-training department—may be inevitable, you’ll want to prevent all the fur sibling rivalry you can, especially unexpectedly aggressive reactions. Here’s how to prepare your pet:
    â€¢ Consider basic training. Is your home your pet’s castle—and amusement park? It’s time for rules to rule your roost, even when it comes to your furry friend (and even if life has so far been a fun-filled