What Would Oprah Do by Erin Emerson Read Free Book Online Page A

skin. Jill came to the rescue. “I’d say she’s doing more than holding up. She’s already well on her way to starting her own business. This little get together is just the beginning.”
    Jill’s wording wasn’t lost on Barbara. “Well, I’ll let you girls get back to it. I just wanted to say hello.”
    When I was sure she was out of ear shot I said, “I can’t believe she is here. Seriously Jill, what the hell?”
    “You’re fine. Don’t let her get to you. This is one night, and it’s your night. I’m here. You’ve got Lainey and Kay here too, so the three of us we can keep her out of your way. You need to relax and keep mingling.”
    I surveyed the room. “I don’t see Kay or Lainey. Do you think they ducked out back to smoke?”
    “I doubt it, but why don’t you go look and take a few deep breaths? And Cate, if they’re smoking, don’t you dare join them. It’s already nine thirty. Since it’s a week night, people will probably clear out of here soon. You need to work the room and smelling like an ashtray isn’t going to get you business.”
    I went to the back deck, expecting to see the tell tale red glow of lit cigarette tips, but they weren’t there. I looked everywhere until the only place I hadn’t checked was Jill’s bedroom. It wasn’t like them to desert me. As I opened the door to Jill’s bedroom, I heard the unmistakable sound of vomiting. I walked over to her bathroom, and there they were. Lainey was kneeling in front of the toilet, and Kay was hanging on to the side of the bath tub. “Oh, no! What’s going on?”
    Kay projectile vomited into the bath tub. Lainey lifted her head up just enough to meet my eyes. There was a trail of vomit coming from one corner of her mouth. “Honey, I think your blue cheese was the victim of some serious bacteria.”
    “That can’t be! I just got it last week! It’s made from bacteria.” Lainey put her head back down on the rim of the toilet bowl, which was also covered in vomit. “Oh fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I grabbed some wash cloths from Jill’s closet, ran cold water over them and tried to wipe the vomit off Lainey’s face. Another wave came over her, and she threw up again, missing the toilet entirely.
    There was a low mumble coming from the bathtub. “Get Jill” Kay groaned.
    Panic stricken, I ran back to the living room. Jill was nodding and smiling to one of the guests. I caught her eye, and she waved me over. “Cate, this is Sean from Aria. Sean, this is Cate, the woman behind the blue cheese.” He put his hand out, and I shook it. It wasn’t until I saw Jill and Sean staring at my hand like I was a leper that I realized I was still holding the wash cloth, which was covered in vomit.
    “Oh shit! I’m so sorry. Shit! Did I get it on your hand?”
    “Yes, you did. What the hell is it?”
    Jill grabbed a cocktail napkin from the table and handed it to him.
    Sean stared at his palm. “Is this vomit?” He practically yelled, and the room got so quiet you could have heard a pen drop. Instead there was only the sound of Kay and Lainey retching, which might as well have been choreographed with the sound of another guest throwing up into the kitchen sink.
    The woman at the kitchen sink looked up and said, “I’m sorry. Someone was in the other bathroom. I couldn’t make it outside.” Then there was the sound of heaving coming from the hall bathroom too, followed by the sound of everyone else’s keys jingling as they began a mass exodus.
    I wanted to die, or at least hide in Jill’s bedroom, but I stood there and apologized profusely to the few people who hadn’t made it out the door yet. There wasn’t a single friendly face. They gave each other sympathetic looks, but they were all glaring at me. As luck would have it, Barbara was still in the room. For the first time, she had an actual reason to make her diaper face, which was in full effect. Of course she couldn’t just leave, she had to say something. “Well I’m