What You Left Behind by Jessica Verdi Read Free Book Online

but he caught my arm. “Meg.”
    I know this would probably sound crazy if I ever said it out loud to anyone, except maybe Mabel, but I think that was the best moment of my life so far. Because I’ve never felt anything as good as when our skin first touched. It was like time stopped. Heat passed between us like fire when his hand clasped my wrist. Okay, maybe not fire, but something really, really hot.
    â€œGo to the dance with me tomorrow?”
    Every possible answer went through my mind: Yes. No. I can’t.
    I broke eye contact and looked down at my feet. Someone’s old Math II quiz was being pushed along the ground by a mild gust of wind. It was crinkly, like it had been wet and then dried in the sun. There were footprints all over it. It had been through so much, but it was still here.
    â€œRyden…”
    â€œDon’t say no. Just come with me tomorrow, and if you don’t have fun, I promise I’ll never bother you again.”
    There was a little tremor in his voice when he said the word “bother.” I really wanted to say yes.
    The wind picked up, and the math quiz was carried away.
    The parking lot was emptying out—first period was going to start soon. But I knew I had to give him an answer.
    Finally, I said, “Dances aren’t really my thing.” Obviously it was the truth, since I’m not supposed to do anything overly physical lately, but it sounded stupid even to me.
    He let go of my arm, looking incredibly dejected. But here’s what I still don’t get: why ? He can have anyone he wants. Why me?
    â€œThat’s cool, I get it. See you later, Meg.”
    â€œWait!” I called out as he walked away.
    He turned back.
    â€œDo you want to do something else tomorrow night? Something more…low key?”
    A huge, gorgeous grin crept over his face. “Yeah, absolutely. School dances are lame anyway. What did you have in mind?”
    Honestly, we could sit on the side of the road counting cars for all I care. I just can’t wait to be alone with him. But I do have an idea: the secret beach. “You’ll see,” I said, and I still can’t believe how cool I was able to play it.
    Holy crap. I’m going on a date with Ryden Brooks. Mabel’s going to flip. :-)

Chapter 5
    â€œThere’s Daddy!” my mom says to Hope as I slam the front door. She holds the baby out to me as I pass by the living room on my way to my room. “How was work?”
    â€œIt sucked.” I keep walking.
    Mom follows me. “Aren’t you going to say hi to Hope?”
    I stop at the door to my room and slump against the doorjamb. My fingers grip Meg’s journal. Hope’s happy and babbling in my mom’s arms, trying to grab her necklace.
    â€œCan’t you keep her in your room tonight? I’ve had a really shitty day. I need sleep.”
    â€œNo, Ryden. I can’t.”
    â€œBut look at her—she obviously likes you better than me.”
    Mom sighs. “No, she doesn’t. You’re her father. She loves you. I just have more experience handling babies—that’s what she’s responding to. You’ll get it. You just need to keep practicing.”
    â€œI don’t want to.” The words are out before I can stop them. I don’t even think I really mean them. Or maybe I do. I don’t know.
    I did everything wrong with Meg, and I really don’t want to do everything wrong with Hope too. But there’s a part of me that thinks I might as well stop busting my ass trying. Stop trying to get her to respond to me the way she does with my mom, stop trying to get her to stop screaming and crying and fussing whenever she’s alone with me, stop trying to get her to sleep through the whole night one fucking time .
    Until I find that missing piece of me, it’s hopeless.
    Mom frowns. A lot of women her age haven’t even had kids yet, and here she is, a single, working