Where'd You Go, Bernadette: A Novel by Maria Semple Read Free Book Online Page B

regards,
    Manjula
    *
    From: Bernadette Fox
    To: Manjula Kapoor
    You bet your bindi that’s how big I want it.
    *
    From: Manjula Kapoor
    To: Bernadette Fox
    Dear Ms. Fox,
    The sign has been ordered and will be erected the same day Tom completes the abatement work.
    Also, I am pleased to inform you I have found a doctor willing to write a prescription for ABHR cream. The only compound pharmacy in Seattle that will fill it, unfortunately, does not deliver. I inquired about messenger services, but, alas, the pharmacy insists that you pick up the prescription because they are required by law to review the side effects with you in person.
    Attached please find the address of the pharmacy and a copy of the prescription.
    Warm regards,
    Manjula
    *

F RIDAY , D ECEMBER 10
    From: Bernadette Fox
    To: Manjula Kapoor
    I’m heading down to the pharmacy now. Not a terrible thing to be getting out of the house while this infernal machine with spikes, telescoping arms, and vicious rotors is chewing up my hillside and spraying mulch everywhere. Tom has literally lashed himself on top of the beast so he doesn’t get bucked off. I wouldn’t be surprised if it starts spitting fire.
    Oh! The fishing vests arrived. Thank you! Already, I’ve tucked away my glasses, car keys, cell phone. I may never take this thing off.
    *
    From: Soo-Lin Lee-Segal
    To: Audrey Griffin
    As Ollie-O would say… REAL-TIMEFLASH!
    I told you I was being made admin of a new team? I just found out the team is Samantha 2, headed by none other than Elgin Branch!
    Audrey, my body is a cauldron of emotions right now! When Elgin unveiled Samantha 2 at the TED conference in February, it caused a near riot on the Internet. In less than a year, his is the fourth-most-watched TEDTalk of all time. Bill Gates recently said his favoriteproject in the whole company is Samantha 2. Last year, Elgin was given a Technical Recognition Award, Microsoft’s highest honor. The Samantha 2 guys, and Elgin in particular, are like rock stars around here. You go over to Studio West and you can tell by their swagger they’re on Samantha 2.
I
know I’m good at my job, but to be put on Samantha 2 means everyone here knows it, too. It’s a giddy feeling.
    Then there’s Elgin Branch himself. His rudeness and arrogance that day on the Connector, it was a slap in the face that still stings. Wait until you hear what happened this morning.
    I went to HR to get my new key card and office assignment. (In ten years, this is the first time I’ve had a window office!) I was unpacking my photos, mugs, and snow baby collection when I looked up and saw Elgin Branch across the atrium. He wasn’t wearing any shoes, just socks, which I found odd. I caught his eye and waved. He vaguely smiled, then kept walking.
    I decided to be proactive (one of the three P’s that serve as the interpersonal foundation for Victims Against Victimhood) and initiate our first face-to-face meeting in our new roles as manager and admin.
    Elgin was at his stand-up desk, his hiking boots in a tangle at his feet. Immediately, I was struck by the number of patent cubes haphazardly piled around the office. (Anytime a developer patents something, he receives a ceremonial cube, a cute thing we do at MS.) My last GM had four. On Elgin’s windowsill alone there were twenty, not to mention those that had fallen on the floor.
    “Is there something I can do for you?” he said.
    “Good morning.” I straightened myself. “I’m Soo-Lin Lee-Segal, the new admin.”
    “Nice to meet you.” He held out his hand.
    “We’ve actually met. I have a son, Lincoln, at Galer Street, in Bee’s class.”
    “I’m sorry,” he said. “Of course.”
    The Dev lead, Pablo, popped his head in. “It’s a beautiful day, neighbor.” (Everyone on the team teases Elgin with Mr. Rogers references. It’s a quirk of Elgin’s, apparently, that as soon as he gets inside, like Mr. Rogers, he removes his shoes. Even on his TEDTalk, which I just rewatched,