While My Eyes Were Closed by Linda Green Read Free Book Online Page A

more.’
    ‘My big sister lives at uniworsity but she comes to stay with us in holidays.’
    I suspect she is going to ask why Matthew isn’t here in the holidays and decide to get my own question in first.
    ‘She must be a lot older than you then, your sister?’
    ‘She’s all growed-up but she’s my half-sister, which means my daddy isn’t her daddy but we share a mummy.’
    ‘I see,’ I say. I expected no better, to be honest. The child’s mother certainly didn’t look old enough to have a child at university. She looks younger than I was when I had Matthew.
    ‘Well, let’s get you that crumpet I promised.’ I smile at her and bend down to move a strand of hair out of the child’s eyes. Her fringe is in dreadful need of a cut.
    ‘What’s your name?’ she asks.
    I hesitate before replying. I do not want the child to call me by my first name. It would be far too familiar. ‘Miss Norgate,’ I say. What’s yours?’
    ‘Ella,’ she says. ‘Ella Jane. I was named after a singer lady. She is a big black lady, but me and Mummy and Daddy aren’t big and black.’
    ‘Ella Fitzgerald?’
    ‘Yes,’ she says excitedly. ‘Do you know her? Did you teach her piano?’
    I laugh. ‘No, dear, though I wish I had. She had quite a voice.’
    ‘Otis is named after a black singer man.’
    ‘Redding?’
    ‘Yes. Do you know him too?’
    ‘I know his music. Who chose your names?’
    ‘Mummy. Her name is Lisa Marie and she was the king’s daughter, but he is dead now and that is why we’ve got a queen and Grandad calls me his little princess.’
    I smile again and decide now is not the time to try to address the Elvis confusion.
    ‘If you come downstairs with me, I’ll find some Ella Fitzgerald songs for you to listen to while I make the crumpets.’
    She follows me down the stairs, along the hall lined with photos of Matthew and into the lounge.
    ‘Why don’t you have carpets?’ she says.
    ‘They’re difficult to keep clean, especially with a cat.’
    ‘We haven’t got a cat. We used to have a dog called Pumbaa but it died. Mummy has a Dyson to clean carpets. I like watching bits whoosh up.’
    ‘Good. Now sit yourself down on the sofa and I’ll find the songs for you.’
    I go to the music cabinet. The CDs are arranged alphabetically. At least now Malcolm has gone, nobody puts them back in the wrong place any more. He never understood the importance of having things in order. I really don’t know how he coped as a lecturer. Still, it was none of my business, I suppose.
    I take the CD from the case, wipe it with the cloth which I keep on the top, and place it in the machine. The room fills with big-band sounds. With a deep, rich voice. The sound of another country. Another era.Another culture. I look at the child. She smiles back at me rather vacantly. It is ridiculous really, naming a child after someone they have never heard of, someone they have no connection with at all. A family name is different. That is your heritage. Part of your DNA. But this is someone simply indulging their musical taste and clearly not thinking of the child.
    ‘I’ll call you when the crumpets are ready,’ I say.
    As I head to the kitchen I glance at the grandfather clock in the hall. I hadn’t realised how long it has been. The mother will have missed her by now. Will be searching for her. Panicking even. Something twists inside me but I will not let it take hold. This is a mother who clearly doesn’t know how to look after a child properly. She doesn’t even keep her nails clean and short, for goodness’ sake. Or possess Dettol. A different sensation rises inside me. I let it grow this time. Bubble up under my skin until it feels as if it is starting to blister. How dare she neglect the child. Some people don’t deserve to be mothers. They really don’t.
    I switch the kettle on and warm the pot as soon as it boils, as my mother taught me to, before turning the grill on and placing two crumpets on the tray. I