Who Am I Without Him? by Sharon Flake Read Free Book Online Page A

“You don’t own Mookie. Anyhow, he better now than before.”
    Aunt Lucinda said I was too young to understand. “He ran around with trash before. But this one . . .”
    â€œShe nice,” Momma said.
    â€œShe makes him crazy in the head,” Aunt Luesta said.
    â€œGot him to thinking that maybe she could be the one,” another aunt said.
    I opened my mouth, but I shouldn’t have. “She could. Shanna could be his wife one day. She’s nice like that.”
    They all came over to me. “She ain’t never gonna be more than she is to him right now.”
    â€œAn ex-girlfriend,” Mookie’s mother said.
    â€œSome girl he thinks stole from his momma.”
    I looked at Aunt Lucinda. Asked her what she was talking about. She said it was in the plan. If Mookie makes up with Shanna tonight, she gonna tell him that they ain’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him Shanna stole off her, so they just made up a lie to Shanna ’bout him, hoping that would be the end of her.
    Aunt Lucinda smiled. “He ain’t never gonna be with no girl that do his mother wrong.”
    Mookie and Shanna made up. But Aunt Lucinda was right. When she told him the lie ’bout Shanna, Mookie believed it. Called Shanna and they got to fighting. Shanna’s momma called Mookie’s momma and things got bigger and worse. When it was all done, the police was called in and a report was filed. And Mookie and Shanna was done . . . kinda. They both kept calling me, though. Talking to me ’bout the other. I couldn’t tell Mookie what I knew. Couldn’t tell Shanna how strange our family was. So for two months them two didn’t see each other. Mookie ain’t date nobody else, though. He came over to our place. Looked all pitiful. And just when he talked hisself into calling Shanna, one of the aunts got him to go someplace with her. She filled his head with all kind of stuff. And for another month, he was finished with Shanna again. Then one day, I just made up my mind. I was gonna get them back together. So I did.
    â€œWalk me to the store, Mookie,” I said, grabbing him by the arm.
    When we got outside, he pushed me to the left side so he could walk on the traffic side. I asked him when was the last time he saw Shanna. He ain’t answer. I told him I had a stop to make. At a friend’s. When we got there, the girl wasn’t home. I knew that from the start. But she was Shanna’s cousin, and Shanna was spending the weekend there, so I asked for her. Shanna almost died when she saw Mookie.
    â€œWhat you want?” she said, walking out the room.
    Mookie just stared at her like she was the most beautiful girl in the world.
    â€œYou know Shanna ain’t no thief,” I told Mookie. Then I looked at Shanna. “And you know Mookie don’t cheat. Well, he used to. But never on you.”
    I could tell Mookie wanted to kiss her. That she wanted him to hold her and make everything all right.
    â€œMookie, your momma’s a liar,” I said. “Mine too.” I sat on the couch. “All of ’em lying, just to keep you to themselves.”
    Mookie wasn’t listening, really. He was talking to Shanna. Saying he was sorry he ain’t believe her. Apologizing for his mother.
    Shanna was crying, saying she knew deep down inside that he would never cheat on her.
    They kissed. They kissed the way I want a boy to kiss me one day. Kissed like they loved each other for always—like nothing and nobody was ever gonna break ’em up again.
    â€œDon’t tell Aunt Lucinda or Momma,” I said to Mookie. “Or they will break y’all up again. For good.”
    Shanna said she didn’t understand why they hated her so much. I told ’em both what Aunt Lucinda told me.
    â€œI ain’t ready for babies,” Mookie said, rubbing Shanna’s neck.
    â€œI’m only seventeen,” she said. “I’m going