two inches taller than me, Shannon
was a very pretty young lady. Her hair, styled in a silk wrap, was very long, and
she had it cut in layers. But I could tell it was a weave. She looked like the actress
Gabrielle Union, but her weight was a little more on the thick side. Her taste in
designers wasn’t high-end, because the jean shorts, spaghetti-strap top, and three-inch
slingback sandals she wore couldn’t come from anywhere else except bottom-dollar
stores. Her whole ensemble looked cheap, so I knew she got a fever when she first
looked at me and saw I was rocking an all-black Burberry one- shoulder dress with
a black Chanel purse.
When she drove off, she pressed down on the accelerator, squealing
her tires like she was a fucking racecar driver. I laughed underneath my breath
because she looked really ridiculous in that little tin can car.
I turned my attention back to Tony. I smiled and said, “I see
you got yourself a new wifey!”
“Nah, Shannon’s just my friend. I ain’t ready to get into another
serious relationship. I got too much shit on my plate right now to be dealing with
emotional attachments.”
I sighed. “Well, emotional baggage is definitely what women bring
to the table.”
He nodded. “True. True.”
“How do you think the kids are going to react when they see me?”
I asked as we entered his apartment.
“I’m not sure, but we’re about to find out.” Tony started yelling
their names. When they didn’t answer, he said, “They probably can’t hear me because
they got that TV up really loud.”
As I stepped into the hallway, I stood there alongside the wall
and waited for him to close the door behind us so he could escort me to where the
children were.
But before we could move one step, both kids came rushing down
the hallway toward me. “Auntie Kira,” they both yelled.
My heart instantly filled with joy when I saw Li’l Tony and Meagan
coming toward me. I bent down and extended both of my arms. They rushed to me and
fell into my arms.
“Where you been at?” Rhonda’s nine-year-old son asked.
“Yeah, Auntie Kira, where you been? We missed you,” seven-year-
old Meagan said.
I looked at them both. “I missed y’all too, but I had to leave
town for a while.”
“Why?” Meagan wanted to know.
“Because something came up and I had to hurry up and leave.”
“You know my mommy died, right?” Li’l Tony asked.
Shocked by his candor, I looked up at Tony to see his reaction,
and also to see if he would answer the question for me, because I really didn’t
know what to say. Yes, I knew Rhonda got killed, but how would I explain to a child
that I knew about his mother’s death, but didn’t go to her funeral, or even check
on them to see how they were doing? I’d totally deserted them. And I was feeling
the guilt rise up within me.
Since Tony didn’t come to my rescue, I exhaled and said, “Yes,
sweetie, I know.”
“Our daddy said she’s in heaven with God,” Meagan said.
“Your daddy is right.”
“Our daddy also said that it was you and Nikki’s fault that my
mommy got killed.”
Without warning, Tony smacked his son on the back of his head.
“Owwwwww!” Li’l Tony grabbed the back of his head.
“It’s gonna hurt worse than that if you keep running your mouth.
You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Taken aback by Li’l Tony’s comment, I was speechless. I honestly
didn’t know what else to say. At that very moment I wanted to shrink to the size
of a mouse and crawl right into a hole. And since I knew I wouldn’t be able to pull
that one off, I looked back at Tony and smiled gracefully. I tried to block out
everything around me for just one second, but it didn’t work, so I looked back into
Li’l Tony’s eyes and said, “No, sweetie! I didn’t have anything to do with what
happened to your mother. Now I can’t speak for Nikki, but I can definitely speak
for myself. And I will tell you
Learning to Kill: Stories