Wild Swans by Jessica Spotswood Read Free Book Online Page B

already. And I bet I know what it’s about.
    I press against the wall, listening.
    â€œDo you think it was easy for me to ask you for help? I’d rather bite off my own goddamn tongue. You always thought I’d come back home with my tail between my legs. Well, here I am. I’m broke. No husband, no house, no job. Happy now?”
    â€œI only wanted the best for you, Erica. You may not believe that, but it’s true.” Granddad sounds bone weary. “I don’t think you’ve thought this through. The girls are going to find out. It’s a small town. People gossip.”
    â€œLike I could forget.” A can pops open. “The things they said about me—about Mom—”
    â€œYou can’t erase Ivy because she’s inconvenient for you,” Granddad interrupts. “I won’t allow it. If you want to stay, you have to tell Grace and Isobel the truth.”
    There’s a long silence, and then:
    â€œI can’t. Rick threatened to take Grace away from me. You might not think I’m much of a mother, but I’m all she has. Girls should be with their mother,” she says, and the irony of that does not escape me. “If he knew about Ivy… I will not let that bastard use a mistake I made when I was eighteen against me.” Erica is pacing, her stiletto heels drumming against the wooden floor. “I will not lose another child.”
    Lose. Like it was an accident and not a choice she made. Like I’m dead and not right here, ten feet away from her.
    â€œNo one took Ivy away from you,” Granddad says. “You left. And you can’t expect her to perpetuate this lie for you. She has feelings.”
    â€œI don’t care,” my mother says, and the absolute truth of it knocks me breathless. I lean against the cool plaster, dizzy. “Bad enough that we have to live in this goddamn mausoleum all summer. I will not have my girls look at me the way you do. The way she does.”
    Granddad sighs. “And how is that?”
    â€œLike a loser!” Erica bursts out. “What did you tell her about me?”
    â€œHardly anything,” he says. “She’s old enough and smart enough to form her own opinions. If she’s angry with you, perhaps it’s because you deprived her of the chance to know her mother and sisters. Don’t you think she has a right to be hurt by that?”
    â€œI was never good enough for you,” Erica says.
    â€œThat’s not true.” Their words are quick, familiar, like this part of the fight is a well-trod path. I wonder how many times they’ve had this argument. “You could have been amazing. You had a gift, Erica, and you threw it away.”
    â€œI never wanted it in the first place! And that killed you, didn’t it? I was happy singing with the band and being a waitress. I didn’t want to go to college. Always liked boys better than school anyhow. You knew that, but you still acted like it was some kind of personal insult when I got knocked up again and dropped out. I was sick , Daddy. I was sick and I was sad!”
    â€œYou were selfish . You walked out on your own child.” Granddad’s voice is like a whip. “I made some mistakes too. I’ll admit that. But Ivy—she’s a good girl, Erica. Smart. Healthy. Strong. I can’t let you come in here and ruin that.”
    â€œHealthy? Please. She’s grown up here, hasn’t she? With all this?” I can’t see through the wall, but I bet Erica is pointing at Grandmother’s twisted paintings or at Dorothea’s portrait. “With you? I bet she’s dying to get out of here.”
    It takes a second for Erica to realize the cruel double meaning of her words. “I-I didn’t mean—”
    â€œIvy’s happy here,” Granddad insists.
    â€œSure.” Erica lets out a sour little laugh. “You keep telling yourself that.”
    My heart pounds.