William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return by Ian Doescher Read Free Book Online Page A

galaxy,
    With pilots such as I whose skill is—O!—
    [Imperial Scout 4 collides with a tree and dies.
    LUKE
    This latest scout is skill’d beyond the rest—
    I may not best him in a battle thus.
    Yet by another method I shall win,
    For why rely on bikes and blasters when
    I have the Force, and my lightsaber, too?
    [Luke leaps from his bike.
    Now to it, scout! Return and meet thy fate!
    He comes a’blasting, but my lightsaber
    Deflects the shots, and now I slice his bike!
    Aye, broke in twain his bike doth falter fast,
    And now against a tree he meets his end!
    [Imperial Scout 5 dies.
    Enter
H AN S OLO , C HEWBACCA , C-3PO,
and
R2-D2,
from the opposite side.
    R2-D2
    Beep, meep, beep, whistle, meep, squeak, whistle, nee!
    C-3PO
    O, Gen’ral Solo, someone comes anon!
    HAN
    [
seeing Luke:
] Luke! We have found thee! But thou lack’st one thing:
    I bid thee tell me: where is Leia? Eh?
    LUKE
    She came not back?
    HAN
    —I thought she was with thee.
    LUKE
    And truly was. But lo, within the wood,
    The battle was borne out with speed and fire,
    Amid the blasts and cruel Imperi’l scouts
    ’Twas only muddledom that won the day.
    We separated were, and there’s an end.
    Anon! We must fly hence and search for her.
    Good R2, come, thy scanners we shall need.
    C-3PO
    Fear not, good master, we know what to do!
    [
To R2-D2:
] And thou didst say ’twas pretty here. O pish!
    [Exeunt Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2-D2.
    Enter
W ICKET
, an Ewok, approaching Princess Leia.
    WICKET
    A buki buki,
    Luki, luki,
    Issa creecher,
    Nuki, nuki!
    [Wicket jabs Princess Leia with his staff. She wakes up.
    LEIA
    Desist at once, thou furry little imp!
    WICKET
    E danvay, danvay,
    Staa awanvay,
    Da livvy creecher!
    Panvay, panvay!
    LEIA
    I shall not hurt thee, little one. But O,
    My body cries with soreness from my fall.
    I wonder where Luke and the others are?
    WICKET
    Fangowa, gowa,
    I nonowa.
    Da creecher muvvee
    Slowa, slowa.
    LEIA
    It seemeth I am fix’d and grounded here,
    Yet I am lost and know not what “here” means.
    All that I have is this small creature, from
    A species I have ne’er encounterèd.
    Mayhap thou wilt assist me, little friend.
    Sit down beside me, here, and let us talk.
    I promise I’ll not hurt thee. Aye, approach.
    WICKET
    A dunga, dunga,
    Wassee wunga?
    Ino commee,
    Junga junga.
    LEIA
    Belike thou wouldst like something thou canst eat?
    If thou art like most creatures, thou mayst be
    Directed by thy stomach’s wish for food—
    Where bellies lead, the other members trail.
    Here, friend, taste thou this morsel from my hand.
    WICKET
    Aytru, aytru,
    See mebbe tru,
    Iya tryee,
    Maytru, maytru.
    [Wicket takes a wafer from Princess Leia and eats it.
    LEIA
    I’ll warrant I have made a friend at last—
    The food succeeds where words alone have fail’d. Now shall I take this helmet off, for sure,
    It gives me pain to wear it still so tight.
    WICKET
    A kusha kusha,
    Wassee doona?
    Mia scardu,
    Pusha, pusha.
    LEIA
    Nay, fear thou not, O little one; ’tis but
    A hat, and shall not harm thee. ’Tis no threat.
    Thou art a scamp fill’d full of skittishness.
    [Wicket hears a sound in the forest.
    WICKET
    A kiata, ata,
    Summink mata,
    Summink commee,
    Giata ata.
    [A shot is fired near Princess Leia, who falls to the ground.
    LEIA
    [
aside:
] This creature’s customs and his language are
    Unknown to me, and yet his instincts prove
    Most capable. He smell’d the danger ere
    I knew ’twas here. A pow’rful ally might
    He and his people be, if e’er we could
    Communicate and share each other’s thoughts
    And hopes and aspirations openly.
    [Another shot is fired.
    WICKET
    A wundah wundah,
    Shutee gundah,
    Shutee baddee,
    Nundah nundah.
    [Wicket hides.
    Enter
I MPERIAL S COUTS 7
and
8.
    SCOUT 7
    [
to Leia:
] Stand down, milady, else you breathe your last!
    [
To Scout 8:
] Go, get thy bike, and take her back to base,
    For none but our own troops have clearance to
    Be on the sanctuary moon. She must
    Give