William the Fourth by Richmal Crompton Read Free Book Online Page A

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little clearing, and round the hut was clustered a group of curious people – a Father Christmas, holding his beard in one hand and a glass of ale in the other; a rather fat Goldilocks, in the
act of having yellow powder lavishly applied to her face, several fairies and elves, sucking large and redolent peppermints; a ferocious, but depressed-looking giant, rubbing his hands together and
complaining of the cold; and several other strange and incongruous figures. In front of the hut was a large species of camera with a handle, and behind stood a man smoking a pipe.
    SUDDENLY DOWN A BEND IN THE PATH THEY CAME UPON A STRANGE SIGHT.
    ‘Kid turned up?’ he said.
    William’s guide shook his head.
    ‘No,’ he said, ‘they’ve missed their train or lost their way, or evaporated, or got kidnapped or something, but this happened to be passing, and it looked the same size
pretty near. What do you think?’
    The man took his pipe from his mouth in order the better to concentrate his whole attention on William. He looked at William from his muddy boots to his untidy head. Then he reversed the
operation, and looked from his untidy head to his muddy boots. Then he scratched his head.
    ‘Seems on the big side for the middle one,’ he said.
    At this point a hullabaloo arose from behind the shed and a small bear appeared, howling loudly
    ‘He tooken my bit of toffee,’ yelled the bear in a very human voice.
    ‘Aw, shut up!’ said the man in his shirt-sleeves.
    The small bear was followed by a large bear, protesting loudly.
    ‘I gave him half’n mine ’n’e promised to give me half’n his’ ’n’ then he tried to eat it all’n’—’
    Aw, shut up!’ repeated the man. Then he turned to William.
    All you gotter do,’ he said, ‘is to fix on the middle bear’s suit an’ do exactly what you’re told, an’ I’ll give you five shillings at the end.
See?’
    ‘These roural places are a butiful chinge,’ murmured Goldilocks’s mother, darkening her eyebrows as she spoke. ‘So calm and quart.’
    ‘These Christmas shows,’ grumbled the giant, flapping his arms vigorously, ‘are the very devil.’
    Here William found his voice. ‘Crumbs!’ he ejaculated. Then, feeling the expletive to be altogether inadequate to the occasion, quickly added: ‘Gosh!’
    ‘Take the kid round, someone,’ said the shirt-sleeve man wearily, ‘and fix on his togs, and let’s get on with the show’
    Here a Fairy Queen appeared from behind the hut.
    ‘I don’t see how I’m possibly to go through with this here performance,’ she said in a voice of plaintive suffering. ‘I had toothache all last
night—’
    ‘If you think,’ said the shirt-sleeve man, ‘that you can hold up this blessed show for a twopenny-halfpenny toothache—’
    ‘If you’re going to be insulting—’ said the Fairy Queen in shrill indignation.
    ‘Aw, shut up!’ said the shirt-sleeve man.
    Here Father Christmas, who had finished his ale, led William into the hut. A bear’s suit lay on a chair.
    ‘The kid wot was to wear this not having turned up,’ he said by way of explanation, ‘and you by all accounts bein’ willin’ to oblige for a small consideration, we
shall have to see what can be done. I suppose,’ he added, ‘you have no objection?’
    ‘Me?’ said William, whose eyes and mouth had grown more and more circular every minute. ‘ Me – objection? Golly! I should think not.’
    The little bear and the big bear surveyed him critically.
    ‘He’s too big,’ said the little bear contemptuously.
    ‘His hair’s too long,’ contributed the big bear.
    ‘His face is too dirty’
    ‘His ears is too long.’
    ‘His nose is too flat.’
    ‘His head’s too big.’
    ‘His—’
    William speedily and joyfully put an end to the duet and Father Christmas wearily disentangled the struggling mass.
    ‘It may be a bit on the small side,’ he conceded as he deposited the small bear upside down beneath the table, ‘but we’ll do