around him. Right then it didnât matter why.
Eight
W HEN HE SAW his own mother again, Evan was silent. He felt like he had been crying, but his face was dry. He couldnât move much, nor did he want to. While she talked about her day, he stared at the wall.
Pictures of Angela punching him, Angela smiling, Angela grabbing his hand, ran through his mind. And then there was Jordanâs bedroom. Jordanâs mother. Jordanâs blue eyes and blond hair in the mirror. Jordanâs unwebbed fingers.
Evanâs mother didnât ask what was wrong.
She thinks she knows,
thought Evan.
She thinks Iâm just sad because Iâm getting worse.
Dully, he wondered what would happen if he told her. Would she laugh? Or cry? Or would she have been through so much that she would just sit there and let it go?
He slept that night, but when he woke up, he felt no better. It was a worthless, restless sleep. He sat in his bed, wanting to be Jordan, but not wanting to, because heâd just have to give it up again and be
this.
When he finally jumped, it was after breakfast time. Jordan was already sitting on the staircase, his shoes untied and his head buried in his hands. Evan remained there.
Why canât I just be happy?
he thought.
Why canât I enjoy it while it lasts?
He felt a presence standing over him. It was Jordanâs father, dressed in a suit and tie, looking down at him gravely. Evan looked up.
Jordanâs father was a tall man. Stocky, but still in good shape. Evan knew he was some kind of bigwig who worked at one of the banks on Main Street.
âJordan,â he said. âYou have to go to school. You canât stay home. Youâre not sick.â
Evan looked up at him, unsure of what to say.
âThis business about being possessed. I have an acquaintance whoâs a psychiatrist. Iâll make you an appointment.â
âI donât need a psychiatrist,â said Evan, alarmed. But Jordanâs parents couldnât really do anything, could they? He tried to smile, wondering how Jordan looked.
âDo you think this is a joke?â asked Jordanâs father. âWhy wonât you talk to us?â
Evan looked down at his feet. Jordanâs father sat down below him on the staircase. He sighed and looked a little kinder. âYour mother and I are still dealing with it too, you know. Youâre not in this alone.â He patted Jordanâs knee.
Abruptly, Evan got up. âGo ahead and make the appointment if you want to,â he said. Jordan would probably need it once Evan was gone. He brushed past Jordanâs father and out to the car, where his mother was waiting in silence.
Evan had thought it would get easier, but Jordan was pushing him harder than ever. It was all he could do just to walk straight. Angela was waiting at Jordanâs locker. She looked pale and worried.
âJordan, is that you?â she asked.
âWhat do you mean? Of course itâs me. I donât look that bad, do I?â asked Evan, trying to sound normal.
Angela looked shocked and took a step backward. Too late, Evan realized that Jordan must have told her. Did they have a code word? What could it be?
âWhatâs wrong?â he asked.
Angela shook her head, turned, and ran down the hallway away from him. Looking around, he realized everyone was staring at him.
âGuess sheâs mad at me,â he said with a forced smile.
A couple kids laughed, but most gaped at him like he was a moron.
He stalked off to his first class in an even fouler mood, thrusting Jordan deep inside him. It seemed like fewer people were talking to him than normal. Nobody passed him notes or whispered to him in class. By lunchtime he was boiling with anger. Why were people treating him like he was Evan?
Outside the cafeteria, he confronted Andy. Andy was supposed to be his best friend. The number two to Jordanâs number one.
âWhatâs going on?â Evan asked
A. Meredith Walters - Find You in the Dark 01 - Find You in the Dark