Your Heart to Keep: Holly and Jax by Amanda Mackey Read Free Book Online Page B

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Chapter Eight
    Jax - Thursday 8th January
     
    Today was a day I’d rather avoid. Chloe’s funeral. At some point during my nightmare week, Mrs. McQuade had called mom to let her know where and when the service would be held. She didn’t ask to speak to me and I’m glad. I didn’t know what I would have said to her. I still didn’t know how I was going to face her or her husband today. I harbored a certain amount of guilt over the accident. I was the driver of the car. I hadn’t carried out my job of getting Chloe home safely. I’d failed. I deserved their anger and blame.
    My gut was in turmoil and had been since Saturday night. I’d barely eaten and was only managing around four hours of sleep a night.
    My beloved Mustang was still in the repair shop but I simply couldn’t bring myself to go and see it yet. There was too much pain at what the damage represented. Maybe I’d never be able to drive it again. I hadn’t even bothered to find out the cost of the repairs. Insurance could handle all that. It was something I didn’t need. The mechanic had called a couple of times. My mom let the guy know I’d be in touch but I wasn’t sure when that would be.
    My poor mother was taking all my calls. My cell had been switched off, so the home phone had been inundated by people trying to get in touch with me to offer their condolences.
    Micah, my best friend had stopped by the trailer twice and called numerous times but I just wasn’t up to company or small talk. I knew I shouldn’t be shutting him out since he always had my back but this crushing grief had me being selfish, needing to wallow alone. My heart was physically in pain and I didn’t know what to do to take it away.
    “Jax? You ready? We’ll need to leave if we’re to be in Sterling in time for the memorial,” mom called from down the short hallway.
    I was standing in the bathroom dressed in my finest black suit, trying to scrub up half-decent. Both hands were clenched on the edge of the vanity as I studied my reflection trying to work out who the fuck the vagrant was staring back. My face normally carried a two day growth but having not shaved this week, it was more of a beard rather than prickly stubble; a comforting mask to hide behind. Bags bracketed my bloodshot eyes that begged for sleep. A request I was unable to fulfil.
    “Coming, Mom!” Fingering my hands through my wet slicked back hair I walked with lead-filled shoes into the small, cramped lounge room.
    Mom came and embraced me, already knowing how I was feeling about today. “You’re going to get through this, Jax. I know it seems impossible right now but the hours and days will somehow get that little bit easier.”
    “I don’t want things to get easier, Mom. I want things to be the way they were. I want Chloe so bad. It hurts.”
    “I know it does. Today is probably going to be one of the toughest days you’ll have to face but I’m here for you, Son. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Let those that care about you, in.”
    I blew out a breath on her shoulder, sinking in to her embrace. “How do I do that? I don’t know how. I don’t know anything anymore except for the fact that I drove Chloe to her death.”
    Mom pulled back and shot me a reproachful look with her tired brown eyes. “Now you listen to me Jaxon Reynolds! Don’t you pull that blame nonsense on me! It wasn’t your fault. It was a terrible accident. You hear me? You heard what the investigators said. Your front tire blew, causing you to careen out of control, roll and then hit the safety rail on the side of the road. That was nobody’s fault. It was God’s calling.”
    “Even so, we should have stayed the night when Mr. and Mrs. McQuade offered. I should have listened but I was so hell bent on driving back to get to the gym Sunday morning.”
    I withdrew from her embrace. Nothing she could say would erase my frustration at my own poor choice. One choice! That’s all