You're Not Pretty Enough by Jennifer Tress Read Free Book Online Page A

the “pro” column, however…I got paid. The money that I made during the summers significantly funded my incidentals throughout the
     school year, so I looked at it as bird in hand. I was scheduled to start the job a week after I returned from school.
    The night I got back, my boyfriend Leo and I hung out with
     some friends. Somebody lit a joint and passed it around. I only smoked rarely in college but thought, What the hell? I just finished my second year. Why not?
    The next morning my dad called.
    “Hey, honey, I forgot to mention that you have to take a
     drug test before you can start at the office. So you need to schedule that right away.”
    My heart stopped.
    Try the political argument, I said to myself.
    “Well that’s just a violation of my rights!” I protested. “I mean, I am philosophically opposed to this kind of fascism! Forget it!”
    “Drop it, hippie,” my Dad said. “Just get it scheduled.”
    I steeled myself. “Um, Dad, um, yeah, there might be a
     problem.”
    “What kind of a problem?”
    “Well, um, I kind of smoked last night.”
    My dad, knowing I smoked cigarettes (but not liking it),
     said, “That’s OK, honey. Cigarette smoking doesn’t show up on a drug test.”
    “Um, yeah, I know that.”
    Silence. Five seconds of silence.
    “What the…?!? Jesus Christ, are you kidding me? What the
     hell is wrong with you?!?! Jesus…!!”
    And then he hung up.
    I called my mom in a panic and told her what happened. She snorted on the phone.
    “It’s not funny!” I squeaked, slightly hysterical.
    “Oh, honey, please. Your dad and I used to smoke pot all the time in the seventies.”
    I began to relax.
    “In fact,” she continued, “I remember we were over at a
     friend’s house and we got stoned, and your Dad stood in front of us and lip synched an entire Moody Blues album. It was hilarious. Seriously, he set up a stage with a spotlight and danced and everything.”
    I called my dad back. “You can’t stay that mad at me because
     that would make you a hypocrite. I know about singing to the Moody Blues album.”
    “What are you talking about?
    “Mom told me about that impromptu concert for your friends.
     Sounds like a fun party.”
    “JESUS CHRIST!” he yelled and hung up again.
    My stepmother, Vicki, called me back that night. “Listen, honey, just drink a lot of cranberry juice, and let’s hope this whole thing
     blows over.”
    I passed the test and started the job. A couple weeks later we had a party at my dad’s house with cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. My dad, who had just begun speaking to me without having to yell “Jesus
     Christ!” every five minutes, caught me alone and said, “By the way, it wasn’t the Moody Blues, and it wasn’t the whole album. It was the Beatles. Come Together. And that song seemed to last forever.”
     

     

THE PATH OF MOST RESISTANCE
    A University of Toledo (UT) student was arrested
     yesterday after assaulting a student on the path that connects the south side of the East Ramp to Westwood Avenue.
    Tom Smith [1] , a freshman in the College of Business Administration, was arrested for sexual
     imposition, after assaulting a UT student, according to a Lucas County Jail arrest report. According to the UT Police report, the victim said she was walking east on the path toward Westwood Avenue when she noticed that Smith was
     following her. She then started to walk up the embankment. Smith asked the victim to come with him, but she refused and he grabbed her.
    The report states that the victim pulled away, but Smith
     grabbed her again, reached up her dress and grabbed her between the legs.
    The victim pulled away again and ran to her home, which was approximately five to 10 minutes away, and called UT Police at 4:15 p.m., the report said.
    According to Joe Skonecki, assistant director of campus police, the dispatcher was able to get a detailed description of Smith and broadcast it to Rocket Patrol and the UT Police officers.