Yvgenie by C.J. Cherryh Read Free Book Online Page B

her mother did not like her off by herself, her mother did not want her doing anything exciting like clambering around on the boat down at the old ferry landing, or imagining she was sailing to Kiev, or doing anything, it seemed, but kitchen work and cleaning and writing in her book.
    Which she was sure her mother read.
    Her father said, ‘ I really think you should have gone with us today. Baby mouse, your mother's not a bad woman. But she's a very serious woman. She takes responsibility for so very much— ’
    ‘ I wish she'd just have fun sometimes. ’
    ‘ So do I, baby mouse. So do I. ’
    ‘ It's not fair. ’
    ‘ A lot of things happened to your mother, things she wouldn't want for you—things that have made her afraid all her life, and she tries too hard to make sure you're safe from t hem. You know that Sasha's not really your uncle... ’
    She nodded. They had told her that. Maybe it was supposed to matter to her, but it never did, it never would. She h a d no uncle but Sasha, nor wanted any, and it made no difference she wanted to think about. Sasha had been a friend of her father's in Vojvoda. That was where her father and Sasha had both come from. But that was all they ever told her.
    So what did it matter at all—if her mother never let her out of the house? Certainly she was not going to Vojvoda, ever, no long as her mother had anything to do with it.
    Her father put his arm around her shoulders and walked with her along the garden fence, past the old tree that dwarfed the house. ‘ Sasha and I met when he was about your age. H e wasn't even sure he was a wizard then—he only suspected he might be, but he'd had no one to teach him, and he spent everything he had being careful. Which he was doing quite well at, for a boy who didn' t have a mother or a father to tea ch him. ’
    That was a lonely thought. ‘ Was he all by himself? ’
    ‘ Better if he had been. His uncle and aunt were scoundrels, both of them. And your uncle was a very good lad, not to turn them into toads— ’
    ‘ You can't turn anybody into a toad. You might make them think like a toad.''
    ‘ Well, he didn't do that either. —And I wouldn't put toads beyond your reach, mouse. You're stronger than you know you are. That's one reason your mother is so set on you holding your temper. She knows if you made a really bad choice she might not be able to stop you. You see what I'm sa ying? You'd hate to make me a toad by accident, wouldn't you? You'd much rather intend it. ’
    ‘ That's not funny, father. ’
    ‘ —Or remember the night the filly came and you wanted to hurry things? ’
    She did remember. She still could not comprehend why it would have hurt, but she did know now her wish had been too general and too risky, and her mother had rebuffed it so hard it hurt—haste, she understood: her mother had hugged her fiercely after, and said she was sorry, but she should never wish into situations she did not completely understand.
    Which seemed to be the whole world, in her mother's considered opinion.
    Nobody was happy with her. She was not happy with herself. She walked with her father's arm about her, kicking at last year's weed stalks, that tugged spitefully at her hem.
    Her father said: ‘ I think you should talk to your uncle; Sasha. Mind, I don't know a thing about wizardry—but he says, and your grandfather used to say, that there's nothing in the world stronger than a wizard-child's wishes—thank the god, your uncle would say, babies just want to be fed and held. A toy or two. It's not till you start to grow up that your; wishes get to involve other people, really to involve them, i n ways that mean one of two people get ting his own way in things that can break your hea rt. Then things truly get com plicated. Don't they?''
    ‘ I just don't know why she won't listen to me. ’
    ‘ Maybe because she's not that much older than you ar e. Your wants are a lot like hers, and it's harder and harder to argue with you.