Zamani by Angelic Rodgers Read Free Book Online Page B

at least he would have her in his life.   He kissed her on the cheek and made his
way down to the end of the pew where his wife, Lila, already sat. Lila stared
straight ahead and barely acknowledged Liz.   Alex knew she was irritated by having to
be in the presence of the family Alex had made for herself.
    Alex was a little surprised
that she’d actually shown for the service, as things had never been great
between them.   Lila resented the
child of her husband’s first wife from the beginning. When she found Alex
making out with her first girlfriend, things got even worse. She’d told her
priest who tried to talk Alex into repenting.   After that, Alex made sure she and Lila
had minimal contact.   Robert, even
after Lila revealed his only daughter was a lesbian, had loved her and Liz
unconditionally and had been a good father.   He’d noticeably aged; grief ages so
quickly. Her biological mother was dead, as was Liz’s.   That was one of the many things they had
in common.
    Now they had nothing in
common, Alex thought.
    Eliot Camp, was not only a
good father to Liz, but he‘d also been a mentor to Alex as she pursued a
master’s in English.   He was tenured
at the University of Southern Mississippi, and he’d been trying to convince her
to come there for her PhD once her master’s work was complete.   Liz didn’t want to move back, but Alex
considered it a long range goal; she’d looked forward to spending time in the
town where Liz grew up and assured her that they would move wherever she wanted
once her coursework was finished.   She thought now that things would be so different if she had agreed to
go to USM for her Master’s and they had gotten out of New Orleans before all of
this happened.
    Now it was too late.
    Eliot hugged Liz, too, as
did Kirby and Mike.   They all sat
down, Liz flanked by Eliot and Kirby, protected.   At least there was some comfort in
knowing that Liz was loved and not alone. Alex felt selfish for the pang of
alienation she felt and the grief she felt for herself. She also felt angry
that she couldn’t turn to her family and friends for help.
    In addition to guilt, love,
and sorrow, Alex also felt desire for Liz--desire so sharp that it took her
breath away. The moment she’d seen her, Alex felt her heart jump.   She was even beautiful in grief.   Alex also felt guilty for allowing Wren
to pull her into this.   How could
she have been so stupid as to let Wren get close enough to her to kiss her, let
alone for what happened?   She held
onto the back of the pew in front of her, white knuckled.   She knew that if she’d been standing,
her knees would have given way.   She
couldn’t explain it, but the desire and pull toward Liz were stronger than
ever.   She tried to tell herself it
was only because she never got to say goodbye, never got to kiss her one more
time. She felt tears sliding down her cheeks.   Lucy patted her on the knee.   Alex did her best to pull herself together.
    Once the service started Alex
zoned out. She hadn’t been particularly religious, and she couldn’t process
what was going on.   There was an urn
on the altar; she assumed that Jane Doe’s ashes were inside.   Lucy sat next to her, fiddling with her
phone unobtrusively.    Alex
thought how odd it was that even something so normal and simple—having a
phone—seemed impossible for her.   She felt a pang of jealousy that Lucy knew people, that she had a life
and a phone with numbers in it. She needed to put a new phone on her list.   Undoubtedly, it would be a burner phone
that she’d put under her new name, Sasha West,   and pay by the month at Radio Shack or Wal-Mart.   Lucy had already schooled her in the
ways of pre-paid Visa cards and other impermanent and virtually untraceable
things.
    Alex would have rather been
a drug dealer or in the mafia than being newly undead, but no one asked her or
gave her those or any other options.   Thinking about how vamps and crime bosses