Zarr, Sara - Sweethearts by Sweethearts Read Free Book Online Page B

get your food, I mean, just come over to our table and you can meet all my friends, and, you know" -- I took a breath -- "eat your lunch." He glanced over at our table, where Katy and Steph were waiting. "If you want," I added. "You don't have to." The line started to move again. We were holding things up. "It's all right," he said. "Tell them I had to go see the school office about my locker combination." He moved with the line and I went back to the table. "Well?" Katy asked. Steph watched me. "You okay, J.V.? For a second it looked like you tripped or something." "Yeah. Urn, he had plans." "Already? I knew it," Katy said, slapping her hands on the table. "Stupid radar!" CHAPTER 7 "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" ETHAN HAD CAUGHT ME IN THE HALL hurriedly shoving stuff into my backpack. The hours between lunch and the end of school had been excruciating. I tried not to let it show. "Home ... you know. Nothing exciting." "You didn't even wait for me after class." He watched as I tore and crumpled papers that were keeping my backpack from zipping. "What's the rush?" "My mom wants me to do some stuff around the house before she gets home from work." I couldn't look into his eyes. I concentrated on his mouth, instead, which I hadn't kissed all day. "I'm sorry. I can pick you up for school tomorrow if you want." "Yeah, okay." He leaned into me and slipped his hand around my waist, letting his fingers rest on the skin above my jeans. "When can we be alone?" The first time Ethan had done that -- touched my skin that way and talked to me low -- I thought I'd pass out. We were at the Gateway Mall, a week after I ran into him at the library over the summer, just walking around and shopping when we stopped at the top level rail to watch people walk by below us. He put his arm around me, touching my skin with his warm fingers and talking close to my ear. / like you, Jenna. It was the first time a boy had ever touched me like that. It surprised me. We'd been friends from school but it wasn't like I'd been harboring a crush on him or anything. That day at the mall he touched me and I decided i was attracted to him and it was about time I had a boyfriend and just like that we were a couple. Sometimes I worried that I should be feeling more for him than I actually did, but I tended to push those worries aside and focus on how it felt to be part of it, to be seen by everyone as worthy of couplehood. Now, I didn't feel much other than worry over the time and the need to be home so that I could pull myself together before four o'clock. But I kissed him as sincerely as I could and promised I'd call that night. When I headed toward the student lot, I sensed that he was still standing there, watching me walk away. I was in too much of a hurry to look back.

    3:48 It wasn't a panic attack. I know this because I looked up "panic attack" online when I thought that's what I was having. Nor was it generalized, free- floating anxiety, which were also listed on the Web site. I knew why I felt the way I did. My heart pounded; I worried I would throw up. At 3:50, I went to the kitchen and let a spoonful of honey melt in my mouth. It coated my tongue and slid down my throat and momentarily calmed me. 3:54

    The thing was this: After that day at Cameron's house, because we'd never said anything about it, I sometimes wondered if it happened. I dreamed it, maybe, or made it up. Maybe my mom and all my teachers were right back then about my imagination and how it was very nice and important for children to have imaginations, but not when it kept them from living in the real world. But I think I know the difference between things that happened and things I imagined happening. This had happened, just like the ring and the walks home from school and the I Love You.

    3:57

    It was very possible that I should be worried. What did I really know about Cameron Quick, anyway? What Gretchen said about him growing up to be a school shooter popped into my head and I couldn't let it