Zen and Xander Undone by Amy Kathleen Ryan Read Free Book Online Page A

at Harvard. She wouldn’t follow me.”
    â€œI had to finish my master’s!”
    â€œShe could have applied to Harvard.”
    â€œI don’t have your mind, James.”
    â€œBut I waited for her.”
    â€œAnd I came.”
    At this they would smile into each other’s eyes, and sometimes even kiss.
    At which point Xander and I would double over, pretending to throw up.

The Dress and My Back
    E VEN FROM THE GRAVE, Mom has terrible timing. It’s the next day, and I’m racing through the house, looking for my gi, or my “karate pajamas” as Xander calls them, when the doorbell rings. I hear Xander open the door, probably still wearing the jeans and T-shirt she’d worn last night. She thanks someone before slamming the door and screaming, “Zen! Package! It’s from Mom!”
    I hear the sound of ripping paper.
    â€œI know it’s my stupid prom dress. Is there a note from Mom in it?” I call down.
    â€œNo!” she answers.
    â€œThen I’ll look at it later!” I have only forty minutes to get to practice, and it’s a twenty-minute drive. I like to get there early enough to stretch out and meditate.
    â€œOh, it’s nice, Zen! Get down here!”
    She sounds really excited, probably because I haven’t worn a dress since I was twelve. People think it’s because I’m some kind of tomboy, but that’s not it. I happen to know that I have a nice butt and long legs, so I look better in pants. Better than I ever would wearing a stupid skirt and stockings, which always crawl down my crotch and get twisted at the ankles. I hate stockings. The only thing they’re good for is to wear over your face during an armed robbery.
    â€œZen, I want you to try this dress on!”
    â€œI don’t have time! I can’t find my gi!”
    I hear her rummaging around downstairs like she’s looking for it. I come down because it’s very unlike Xander to help me do anything. “Have you seen my gi?” I ask her suspiciously.
    She’s standing in the middle of a pile of tissue paper, shuffling through the mess, mumbling, “I can’t find it.”
    â€œCan’t find what?”
    â€œThere’s no return address here. It didn’t come from a store, so probably whoever sent it is the one sending the letters.” She sits on the coffee table, and it cracks a little further toward the floor. One of these days she’s going to get a huge splinter in her ass from that thing. She smiles at me, raises one eyebrow, and lifts the dress up from the middle of the pile in front of her. “Oooh, look at the purdy dress! Ain’t it just the most?”
    It’s shimmery and silky and light and airy. The color is sort of bone, sort of ivory, sort of tan. At least it isn’t pink, but it doesn’t matter. “I hate it.”
    â€œYou do not!”
    â€œHave you seen my gi?”
    â€œYes. I hid it. Try this dress on right now.”
    â€œGive me my gi this instant!” I stomp on the floor with each word.
    â€œHey up there!” Dad calls from the basement. Ever since I hid the peanut butter, he hardly comes upstairs anymore. “Stop stomping!”
    â€œWe’re only romping!” Xander calls, a lopsided grin on her face.
    â€œCut it out or I’ll give you a whomping!”
    Xander shakes the dress at me. The little beads in the bodice sparkle madly. “Try it on and I’ll give you your gi!”
    I look at the clock. I have only thirty minutes to get there. I’ve already lost my meditation time, but I can still stretch if I hurry. “Fine. I’ll try it on.”
    She tosses it at me, and I take it into the downstairs bathroom, rip off my T-shirt, and pull the dress on over my jeans. I launch myself out the door and into the living room without even bothering to look in the mirror.
    Xander’s eyebrows shoot up. “Wow. You have tits!”
    â€œShut