Everything About Me Is Fake . . . And I'm Perfect by Janice Dickinson Read Free Book Online

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                    For the Fashion-Conscious
                    For me, exercise and fashion go hand in
hand. If you can’t feel good about your body, it’s going to be harder to feel
good about your clothes. And if you hate what you wear to exercise, you’re not
going to feel good about getting fit. So let’s go over what it takes to get
yourself and your wardrobe in shape.
                    First of all, exercising is crucial. The PC
police will kill me for saying this, but for me the two best motivations to
exercise have always been these: the hot guy I’ve got in bed (and want to keep
there) right now, or the next hot guy I’m trying to land. I’ll bet you’ve got
one or the other, right, girls? Now close your eyes and think about him for a
moment—naked. Doesn’t that make you want to get on your feet and work those
buns?
                    I learned as a ballerina that all exercise
should start with stretching. I do it every day; if I don’t, I feel rusty.
                    What to wear on a run? Whatever you do, not
one of those popular J.Lo–type jogging suits. Here’s what I think of them:
Hideous! Bleh! Forget ’em. They look as if they were made out of material Motel
6 wouldn’t even use for their towels. Can’t people just look inside Vogue and
see what’s fashionable? Is that really too much to ask?
                    I’m not saying we shouldn’t wear clothes to
relax in. All I wear for hanging out is a pair of stretchy black leotard pants
and an oversized T-shirt. Try it. You’ll love how loose-fitting they are
compared to those tight Juicy jackets. Think classic. Nothing is sexier than a
crisp white T. Nothing!
                   
                    E V E R Y T H I N G A B O U T M E I S F A K
E . . . A N D I ’ M P E R F E C T
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                    It’s not really the best idea to go hiking
after lunch wedged into a pair of Dolce and Gabbana pumps. But you’ll never
catch me taking a quick power walk through Beverly Hills in those dreadful,
butt-ugly athletic shoes women all over the country are wearing. Unless you’re
training for the freakin’ Olympics, do yourself a fashion favor: throw those
stinkboats Downtime. No makeup and feeling my groove.
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    J A N I C E D I C K I N S O N
                    in the trash and get yourself some sexy
workout sneaks before you get out there and walk off every meal.
                    Then again, when you’re not exercising, you’ve
got to work it. And all I can tell you is this: please learn how to walk in
high heels. The key to finding good heels is making sure they’re secure on your
feet. In other words, find your size—or get ready to come face-to-face with the
pavement. Believe me, it’s worth it to invest in one good pair of
four-hundreddollar Christian Louboutin shoes rather than four pairs of cheap
ones from the mall. I discovered Louboutins at a Paris show for Diane von
Furstenberg years ago. Fabulous! Carrie Bradshaw wore pink ones for her last
date with Mr. Big before he moved out of New York (was he nuts!?) on Sex and
the City. If they’re good enough for both Janice D and Carrie B, well, they’re
good enough for you, no? They even make your toes look hot. Get them in every
color if you can! Have the man in your life buy them for you if at all
possible. And here’s the key: practice walking in them with attitude. Even
better, dance in them with abandon. You won’t be sorry.
                    Every woman needs her fair share of fabulous
and huge diamond stud earrings. If you can afford the real ones, call me so I
can borrow them. If not, buy quality fakes that look real. People will never
know in a million years that they’re crystal. They’ll just think you had a
great Christmas. Practice saying