God on Sex: The Creator's Ideas About Love, Intimacy, and Marriage by Daniel L. Akin Read Free Book Online

sounds like the kind of love that lasts. God's Word is interested in a love that lasts, a love that daily needs the flames of its fire stoked to a passionate burning. How is such a love achieved? In The Song of Songs 1:15–2:7 we discover three helpful suggestions: (1) praise your partner, (2) proclaim their provision, and (3) prepare for passion.
How beautiful you are, my darling
     How very beautiful!
     Your eyes are doves.
 
How handsome you are, my love.
     How delightful!
     Our bed is lush with foliage;
the beams of our house are cedars,
     and our rafters are cypresses.
I am a rose of Sharon,
a lily of the valleys.
 
Like a lily among thorns,
    so is my darling among the young women. (1:15–2:2)
     
PRAISE YOUR PARTNER (1:15–2:2)
    Praising our partner is a constant theme in the Song of Songs because it is an essential ingredient for a healthy marriage. Again and again we see the man praising his lady and the lady praising her man. Communication that consists of gracious and kind words is the currency that buys and builds a lasting love relationship. Previously, we noted the blessings that flow when we say positive things to and about our mate. It might be uncomfortable, but it is probably helpful if we also examine some things we should not say. Our friend Steve Stephens (whose “37 Things You Should Say to Your Spouse” were cited earlier) is again a big help when he writes:
There is nothing more painful than having unhealthy communication with the one you love. It is through communication that we connect and our spirits touch. If that connection becomes contaminated, it is only a matter of time before the whole relationship is poisoned. In the process of communication, wisdom is [sometimes] knowing what not to say rather than what to say… .
     
Therefore, I gathered together some close friends and asked them what not to say to your spouse. Here is their list:
     
“I told you so.”
“You're just like your mother.”
“You're always in a bad mood.”
“You just don't think.”
“It's your fault.”
“What's wrong with you?”
“All you ever do is complain.”
“I can't do anything to please you.”
“You get what you deserve.”
“Why don't you ever listen to me?”
“Can't you be more responsible?”
“What were you thinking?”
“You're impossible!”
“I don't know why I put up with you.”
“I can talk to you until I'm blue in the face and it doesn't do any good.”
“I can do whatever I like.”
“If you don't like it, you can just leave.”
“Can't you do anything right?”
“That was stupid.”
“All you ever do is think of yourself.”
“If you really loved me, you'd do this.”
“You're such a baby.”
“Turnabout's fair play.”
“You deserve a dose of your own medicine.”
“What's your problem?”
“I can never understand you.”
“Do you always have to be right?" 2
     
    Both Solomon and Shulammite knew the importance of words. Both were interested in fanning the flames of love. They continue their contest to see who can outpraise and outcompliment the other. What are the particulars of their praise with which they challenge us?
ADMIRE THEIR ATTRACTIVENESS (VV. 15–16)
    Solomon tells his bride “how beautiful you are, my darling.” “My darling” can also be translated “my love.” This is not the first time Solomon has complimented her appearance. Perhaps once is not enough. I asked Charlotte one time if I could ever tell her too often, “I love you,” and, “I think you are beautiful.” Her answer was “absolutely not!” She said she never got tired of my praising her or of my saying, “I love you.”
    Solomon also says to Shulammite, “Your eyes are doves.” “Beautiful eyes were a hallmark of perfection in a woman (cf. Rachel and Leah, Gen. 29:17). Rabbinic tradition identifies beautiful eyes with a beautiful personality.” 3 Solomon, as he looked into her eyes, saw gentleness and tranquility, purity