How to be a Pirate's Dragon (Hiccup) by Cressida Cowell Read Free Book Online

performing the complicated Hooligan salute, which consists of making a slitting motion across your own throat while letting out a fart like a clap of thunder.
    "DEATH OR GLORY!" shouted Gobber the Belch, and eleven of the trainees shouted fanatically, "DEATH OR GLORY!" and made the salute back at him.
    "OH, not this AGAIN," groaned Hiccup and Fishlegs to themselves.
    Stoick and Alvin's plan really was that simple. The Hooligans and dragons had to bathe themselves thoroughly. They had to present themselves the next day at the Great Hall, where Alvin would make sure they passed what Alvin called "the Sniff Test." This consisted of Alvin, who was good at this sort of thing, seeing if he could smell them or not, and the expedition would set off.
    Hiccup nerved himself up to talk to his father, never an easy task.
    "Father," said Hiccup to Stoick, after he had bathed himself and Toothless very thoroughly indeed.
    "Hmmmm?" replied Stoick absentmindedly.
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    He was attempting to dry off his own dragon, Newtsbreath, in front of the fire.
    Newtsbreath was an acne-covered sludge green Gronckle the size of a small lion. He loathed water. It had taken Stoick forty minutes to catch him and dump him in the tub. Now he made a furious lunge at Stoick, grabbing his left forearm between his massive jaws. Stoick laughed merrily and gave him a sharp whack on the nose with the scrubbing brush.
    [Image: Men.]
    "Now, now, Newtsbreath," chided Stoick, "don't be grumpy."
    "I'm worried," continued Hiccup, "that we may be setting out on the wrong quest. Do you really think
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    we should be looking for treasure? We're quite happy and peaceful enough without all that money."
    Stoick ruffled Hiccup's hair affectionately.
    "Don't you see," said Stoick excitedly, "YOU'RE going to be the one to find this treasure. That's what the riddle said, 'Only the True Heir can find it.' It has troubled me for some time that Baggybum and Snotlout might have their eyes on your throne. When YOU find the treasure, it will silence them forever. I'm doing this as much for YOU as for the gold and the glory, although I do see myself in a pair of fancy earrings, I must admit. ..."
    "But what if I DON'T find the treasure?" asked Hiccup.
    But Stoick wasn't listening. He had stomped off to get ready.
    "Oh bother," said Hiccup.
    [Image: Newtsbreath in the bath.]
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    10. THE WORST DAY OF HICCUP'S LIFE SO FAR
    At dawn on the day of the Quest, Hiccup got dressed very reluctantly indeed. He buckled on the sword his father had given him, hoping that it wouldn't get in the way too much. He slung a shovel in a sling I across his back, where he normally might have carried la bow and arrow. He was so nervous he couldn't eat his porridge.
    He finally managed to drag Toothless out of bed and set off towards Hooligan Harbor, where everybody was meeting.
    Toothless sat on his shoulder, angrily rubbing sleep out of his eyes with one wing.
    "Toothless don't W-W-WABT to go on Quest,' he complained. "Is s-s-stupid. Is s-s-silly. Is d-d-dangerous."
    Hiccup could not have agreed with him more, but all he said was, "You're going to be all right. YOU'VE got wings. Any Skullions attack you, and you just just fly away."
    "Yes, but T-t-t-toothless don't like the sight of
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    b-b-blood...," whined Toothless. "You get torn to pieces and Toothless feel s-s-sick...."
    "We all have our problems," snapped Hiccup crossly.
    Fishlegs was already at the Harbor, looking furious. His dragon, Horrorcow, sat at his feet, chewing quietly.
    All the other boys were milling about, their dragons fighting each other or flapping over their heads. Everybody was thoroughly overexcited despite the very real prospect of being eaten alive.
    [Image: Dragon armor.]
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    "Who do you reckon would win if a Skullion was to fight a Bloody Crocoraptor in one-to-one combat?" chatted Wartihog.
    "Oh, the Skullion would win EVERY TIME," replied Clueless. "No question. My father says the Skullion is one of the most vicious creatures on the