Is This What I Want? by Patricia Mann Read Free Book Online

Jack away to their large toy-filled playroom toward the back of the house.
    I thought about how one of the things that Jill and I had in common was the ages of our two sons. It was unusual to find other moms who had kids close to six years apart. It seemed much more popular to pop them out with only two years in between. I wondered if her reasons were the same as mine.
    “I don’t know many other families with kids six years apart, do you?”
    She picked up the bags and toys that Sam had dropped right by the front door and placed them in a neat pile in the corner of the room as she responded.
    “No. To tell you the truth, I actually never meant to have another. James was an oops.” She giggled a little nervously. I didn’t expect her to be nervous too, but I was sort of glad she was. She looked prettier than I remembered. Her moon shaped face seemed to be glowing and her brown hair looked shiny. I thought I remembered more wrinkles around her eyes and on her forehead too. I wondered if she was doing Botox. The cost would mean nothing to her husband Connor, given his lucrative work in the porn industry. He had some important behind the scenes job.
    Talking about the kids felt like the perfect way to ease back in.
    “He wasn’t planned? Really? Wow. That must have been a shock.” I thought about how my own existence could be attibuted to a faulty condom. Then Shelly and her situation flooded my mind and I made a mental note to call and check on her soon.
    “It was. But he’s my little sweetheart now, of course. I can’t imagine life without him.”
    “Yeah, I know what you mean. I always knew I wanted two kids, and thought I’d have them close together. But when Sam was born, he rocked my world. He cried and cried. Nothing would soothe him. It took me five years to be willing to risk going through that again.”
    She nodded with what I could tell was sympathy, not empathy. It was something in the way her mouth curved up on one side only.
    “I can’t imagine. We got lucky. Both boys were easy babies. Slept through the night right away.”
    “Really? I can’t imagine that. Sam was so inconsolable for the first six months of his life that if he wasn’t in my bed and/or on my breast, he was screaming bloody murder.”
    “Oh, that must have been awful. I didn’t breastfeed. Maybe that’s why. They say formula keeps their tummies more full and they sleep better.”
    Part of me wanted to give her a lecture on the many benefits of breastfeeding but I knew there would be no point. She seemed bored with the conversation.
    “How about I make us some margaritas?”
    I looked at my watch. “It’s only…”
    “It’s five o’clock somewhere right?” I hated that saying, but a drink did sound good.
    First we checked on the boys, who were making a huge mess in the playroom. Sam and Henry were throwing a Wiffle ball back and forth, knocking over items in its path with every toss. Jack and James were slamming plastic hammers on the little heads popping out of a whack-a-mole game. Jill didn’t seem to care at all.
    “Good, they’re entertaining themselves for the moment,” she declared.
    Her sunshine yellow and navy blue kitchen was just as spotless as the living room. I considered complimenting the cleaning lady and asking for her number, but Jill would see right through it. She knew it wasn’t something I could afford. In truth, I also felt a little uneasy about the idea of paying someone to clean my home, as appealing as it sounded. It was common among my friends, but it wasn’t something I grew up with. I helped my mother and grandmother scrub toilets and bathtubs, washed all the dishes in our house, and did my own laundry from the time I was eight years old.
    When the drinks were ready, Jill raised her glass into the air.
    “To enjoying the last days of summer.”
    The first sip was such a shock that my face must have looked the way it did when I accepted Sam’s dare to bite right into the lemon he picked