Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander Read Free Book Online

have some fun and feel better about themselves.
    The most horrific recent example is trucker hats, which shockingly went from mainstream in the ’80s to ironic in the early 2000s and then almost immediately back to mainstream. So now the hats are not rare or unique in any way. Once something reaches this stage, irony cannot be restored for a decade.
    Other examples would include white people getting together to have a “white trash” night, where they will eat Kentucky Fried Chicken, drink Bud Light, and watch Larry the Cable Guy or The Marine, or maybe listen to Kid Rock or P.O.D. These events allow white people to experience things they are supposed to hate, all while feeling better about their own lives, decisions, and cultured tastes.
    Occasionally, white people will put an ironic knickknack in their home or apartment such as a “Support Our Troops” magnet or a bottle of Mickey’s.

    This can be used to your advantage. If you need to appear cool to white people, you just need to pick something that was popular ten-plus years ago and put it in a prominent place at your desk or in your home. A C+C Music Factory cassette and a “2 Legit 2 Quit” T-shirt would be good examples.
    Also, you might find yourself in a conversation where you mention that you like something, and there is an awkward silence indicating that it is not cool. In this situation, you must say, “Oh yeah, I also like [insert similar things in such a way to show that you were kidding about that first thing]” and smile. The white people will laugh and all will be well.

51 Living by the Water
    It is hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. And why wouldn’t they? It provides so many of the activities that they love—swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing—and it’s a perfect place to read.
    Before we move on, let’s not gloss over that last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near water. Extreme reading!

    When you think long-term, it’s important to realize that all white people own/wish to own/plan to own/will own some sort of property near a body of water. Rather than say all white people want to live on the ocean, it’s important to break it down across the regions.
    On the West Coast, all white people want to live as close to the beach as possible. One look at the demographics for Manhattan Beach, Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Newport Beach, and Laguna Beach will reveal this fact through tangible numbers.
    On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning oceanfront property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog.
    And in the landlocked states, the dream of lakefront property is alive and well.
    White people will often purchase second homes near water if they cannot accommodate the dream in their own city. Usually they want it to be within driving distance, but the need for life near water is so great that they will even consider buying in other countries.
    To white people, a view of water from the house is their greatest achievement in life. And you should remember this when discussing your hopes and dreams with them. It is also important that you choose a water sport (swimming, fishing, kayaking, etc.) that you pretend to like. That way, you can talk about how, when you move to your water-front property, you can just wake up in the morning and [insert water-based activity], right out of your front door.
    Mountain views are also acceptable, but are generally seen as a poor substitute.

52 Sarah Silverman
    White people love to laugh, so it’s no surprise that some of the funniest people in the world are white! But do not believe that white people find all types of humor funny. BET Comic View, for example, is not considered funny and white people generally get little to no enjoyment out of the program.
    The easiest way to find