The Humans by Stephen Karam Read Free Book Online

a
Erik uses the moment alone
“yield” sign, but without the
to wander down the hallway
word “yield” on it . . . well
and stretch out his lower back,
she can’t name it, so she goes
which is bothering him.
to the guy: “I dunno know
 
what this sign’s called but
 
I know what it means.” And
 
the poor guy giving the test,
 
he’s like: “Well then what
 
would you do if you came
 
across this sign on the road?”
 
And God love her, she cannot
 
come up with the answer, but
 
enough of her’s still there
 
that she goes to him, really
 
pissed off: “Trust me, I’d
He eventually is drawn back
know what to do if I was
to the window, inspects the
driving.” So by this point the
alley. He stares out the window,
guy’s clearly humoring her,
rubbing his lower back.
he says: “Then just tell me
 
what you’d do if you were
 
driving and pulled up to this
 
sign.” And she goes: “I’d see
 
what everyone else was doing;
 
then I’d do that.”
 
    Richard smiles.
    BRIGID
    Where’re you at with the whole . . . nursing home discussion? . . .
    DEIRDRE
    Mom’s—as long as Uncle John can watch her weekdays, we’re fine—
BRIGID
RICHARD
I want you guys to [take care
I love that—oh . . . I was just
of yourselves]—
gonna say I love that you and
 
Erik both call her “Mom.”
    DEIRDRE
    Well, that’s what she is to me, that’s what’s special about marriage, Rich, real marriage . . . you get two families.
    BRIGID
    Â Â Â Â Â  (“Give it a rest, Mom . . .”)
    Okay . . .
    RICHARD
    I’m very committed to Brigid.
    UPSTAIRS : Aimee exits the bathroom, spies Erik rubbing his lower back.
    AIMEE
    Hey . . .
    DEIRDRE
    I’m glad, that’s good . . .
    AIMEE
    Big Guy, how’s your back? . . .
    ERIK
    How’s my back?, how’s your back?
    AIMEE
    [That’s a great point, Dad], you doing your exercises?
ERIK
DEIRDRE
Yeah, yeah . . .
      (Refusing a refill of wine)
 
No more for me, Rich, I’m good . . .
    DOWNSTAIRS : Momo dozes off on the couch.
    BRIGID
    So it’s okay if she sleeps here?
    ERIK
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Rubbing Aimee’s back)
    You’ll find someone new . . .
    DEIRDRE
    Oh yeah, the meds she’s on—she gets in three good naps a day / . . . where’s her—do you mind looking for her blanket?
    Deirdre helps adjust Momo on the couch. Brigid goes in search of the blanket.
    ERIK
    I mean it, hey, I’m serious, you’re gonna find someone new—
    AIMEE
    Not with history . . . how can I [find]—Carol knew me with acne . . . she helped me with my law school application . . .
    ERIK
    You’re gonna come outta this stronger, / I promise.
    AIMEE
    Stop, Dad, stop lying to me.
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Beat)
    Don’t actually stop / keep saying things to me . . .
    ERIK
    Whattya want me to . . . Momo’d . . . when I’d skin my knee or have any kinda setback, Momo’d say . . . “This, too, shall pass,” / and I’d roll my eyes at her, but . . . this’ll pass, it will . . .
    BRIGID
    Here it is . . .
    DEIRDRE
    Thanks . . . there we go . . .
RICHARD
AIMEE
      (To Brigid)
Ugh . . . I need some more . . .
So turkey’s out . . . I won’t
bathroom time, I’ll be down,
carve until we’re all down
okay?
here, yeah?
 
    ERIK
    Yeah . . .
    BRIGID
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Calling upstairs)
    Dad! Aimee!
    UPSTAIRS : Aimee returns to the bathroom. Erik heads for the stairs.
    DEIRDRE
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Lovingly setting up Momo on the couch)
    She’s calm now, Rich, but . . . man—when she has a fit, it’s like watching her turn into someone else, you know? . . .
    RICHARD
    Can I help you get her [situated] . . . ?—
    DEIRDRE
    Yeah, just, lift her feet there . . .
    Richard moves her feet into a more