Thin Air by Storm Constantine Read Free Book Online

the
wardrobe. She supposed she might look through it one day, when she
was very old and the final stings of Dex’s disappearance had been
pulled. Three years ago, she’d thought she’d never recover from his
loss. The depth of her grief had shocked her; she hadn’t realised
how much she’d loved him. She’d taken his presence for granted, and
couldn’t help punishing herself for not sensing something had been
deeply wrong with him. If it wasn’t for the fact his work had
disappeared, she’d have been able to think his escape had been
spontaneous. But she couldn’t think that. She’d had counselling,
and that had helped, although rum and Gina had done more to aid her
recuperation. Just the smell of rum now made her feel anxious.
    Then Gus had come into her life.
She’d met him backstage after a gig. He was a sound engineer, one
of the best, who could pick and choose the bands with whom he
worked. Jay’s friends, relieved to see her with any man, insisted
she and Gus were an ideal couple, and in many respects this was
true. Gus wasn’t the showbiz party type, but he’d made lots of
interesting friends through his work, and now Jay’s social life
revolved around dinner parties and luxurious weekends at the
country estates of ageing rock stars. Gus could be possessive about
the past, although strangely not the present (she never had to be
careful where her eyes were roaming across a room), but other than
that, he was dependable, affectionate and reliable. She had a good
life. It was steady and certain, yet spiced with exciting events
and foreign travel. If some still backwater of her heart moored the
thought that something vital was missing, she ignored it. Dex would
always be a sore point for Jay, so she could hardly blame Gus for
feeling the same. Their friends knew better than to mention Dex’s
name in either of their company.
    Jay pressed her forehead against
the steering wheel, expelling a satisfying groan. She didn’t want
to cry, it wasn’t that, she just had to squeeze out the welling of
emotion that seeped from her memories. She shouldn’t have looked at
the TV. She should have shrugged, made a sarcastic remark, and
left. Now she was late and in a state. It wasn’t good.
    Shaking her head, she started
the car and backed out of her parking space. Would there come a day
when she could bear to see his face on TV or dare to play his
music? She had to admit she’d never really liked it, not in the way
his fans did, yet she couldn’t stand hearing those familiar songs
now. She had nailed a lid down over her feelings, but still had to
avoid any confrontation with evidence that Dex ever existed. She
feared the corpse beneath the lid could very easily be reanimated
and rise up to haunt her.
    At the gig, she felt as if she’d
half stepped out of the world. It was difficult to take the event
with any seriousness. Posturing men unfurled their egos about the
back stage area like so many peacock tails. The mere sight of them
irritated Jay to extremity. You are nothings , she thought,
followed quickly by: Why am I here? But it was a job she had
to do. ‘Kill Force’ were a big name, and ‘Track’ wanted an in-depth
interview with them. The only redeeming aspect of the evening was
the vocalist, Jez, with whom Dex and Jay had had a close
friendship, years before. Still, his band was mouthy, full of
themselves and confrontational. Even before they went on stage,
Jay’s jaw was aching from the instinctive gritting of teeth.
    Subsequently, the interview
after the show was a battle rather than an exchange. It was made
worse by the fact that the drummer said, ‘You were Dex’s chick
once, right? No wonder he disappeared.’
    Fortunately, she still had
enough wits to freeze her expression, raise her brows and say, ‘And
he’ll never be found, believe me.’
    Afterwards, Jez tried to make
peace by taking her for a meal. It took some persuading, but
eventually she relented. She and Dex had once stayed with Jez