0451471075 (N) by Jen Lancaster Read Free Book Online

Christmas Story style, yet I’d be willing to take that chance.
    I’ve always wanted to take a swim wherever it is they snap those screensaver photos—Fiji? Bora Bora? The Maldives?—and sleep in a hotel room that’s more of a hut built on a dock over thewater. After reading The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency , I’m dying to see the sun set in Botswana. I want to visit Indian temples and volunteer at an elephant sanctuary. I want to sample Serrano ham in Spain. I want to pay tribute at Anne Frank’s house in Amsterdam and then stroll through a tulip field. And if I went to Paris, I’d like to find out if the French still mock me for my accent.
    (My guess is oui .)
    Joanna and I always talk about auditioning for The Amazing Race as a way to see the world , but (a) I don’t actually want to run a Siberian obstacle course or eat crickets—unless they’re stuffed in a date—and (b) I’m sure with our navigation skills, we’d be eliminated before we even left Los Angeles.
    If we got there at all.
    And, because I’m me and in terms of full disclosure, if I could experience any of the above and fly international business class ?
    Well, that wouldn’t suck either.
    But for now, I’d be ecstatic to get a single stamp in my passport, which reminds me:
    Get a passport.
    The last one I had expired twenty-five years ago, so it’s probably time. What’s funny is last year, I was gathered with the girls for lunch and we were discussing passports.
    “How do you not have a passport?” Tracey asked.
    “Why would I need one?” I replied.
    “What if you want to leave the country for the weekend?” Gina asked.
    I said, “Why would I want to leave the country? I don’t even like to leave the house. Frankly, I’m surprised I made it down here for lunch.”
    “So, you’ve never thought, ‘We should go to Montreal for the weekend’?” Stacey asks.
    “Thus far, in my forty-five years on this earth, no,” I replied. “Hasn’t been an issue.”
    Although, once, in the nineties, I had a job interview for an amazing position with a streaming media company headquartered in Canada. I was all set to fly up on their dime to claim my dream job, but the day before I was supposed to go, it occurred to me that I not only didn’t have a passport, but I had no idea where my birth certificate was. I made some calls and found out I wouldn’t have much trouble getting into Canada, but returning to the US might be a problem, so I bailed. But it’s not like streaming media ever became a thing , so I’m sure I wouldn’t have even wanted to exercise all those stock options and . . .
    Damn it.
    “You’ll change your mind,” Stacey said.
    Naturally, she was right. Don’t tell her though. She’ll just gloat about it.
    Of course, I realize that nothing on my list matters if I don’t take better care of myself, so I’d like to:
    Lose twenty pounds.
    I know I’ve tried this before, actually basing a whole book on the subject. What’s different now is I finally realize that weight loss entails more than just limiting calories and maximizing movement. Before, I chipped away at the symptoms and never at the disease itself. What I need to do is figure out why I make bad choices and what leads me to self-sabotage. If I approach weight loss in wellness terms, considering not just physical factors, but also emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and social, I’ll see some success. I don’t need to fit into my high school jeans, but considering I’ll likely fly coach to Italy, I’d like to fit comfortably in the cheap seats.
    However, I can’t discount physical activity as part of the process, so I’d like to:
    Run a 5K.
    See? I don’t need to go nuts and pledge to complete a marathon because I’m sure I’d cause more damage to myself than I’d prevent. A 5K seems like a tangible goal that I can work toward without absolutely being miserable.
    I also want to:
    Learn self-defense.
    I don’t want to carry a weapon. I want to