10 Ten Big Ones by Janet Evanovich Read Free Book Online

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    Buick.

    Lula was at the door when I parked in front of the bonds office.

    'Don't bother trying to get that boat docked just right, ' she said.

    'We got an emergency call. Remember the chip lady? Well, she's having some kind of a breakdown. Connie just got off the phone with the chip lady's sister, and Connie said we should go over there and see what's happening. '

    Sometimes part of my job falls under the category of preventive care. If you know something's going wrong in a bondee's life it's best to check in with him from time to time rather than wait for him to flee.

    'Hell-o, ' Lula said, peeking in the car window. 'We got Grandma on board. '

    'I'm helping Stephanie this morning, ' Grandma said. 'What's a chip lady?'

    'Its some woman held up a Frito-Lay truck, ' Lula said. 'And then she ate the chips. '

    'Good for her, ' Grandma said. 'I've always wanted to do that. '

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    'I wouldn't mind combining them, ' Grandma said. 'Suppose you had some good-looking naked man feeding you the chips. '

    'No way, ' Lula said. 'I don't want to be distracted by no man when I'm eating chips. I'd rather have dip. Just get out of my way when I see the chips and dip. '

    'It's good you have priorities, ' Grandma said.

    'Know thyself, ' Lula replied. 'Someone famous said that. I don't remember who. '

    I took Hamilton to Klockner, passed the high school in Hamilton

    Township, and turned into Cantell's neighborhood. A woman was standing on Cantell's front porch. She took a startled step back when she saw the three of us emerge from Big Blue.

    'Guess she's never seen a '53 Buick before, ' Grandma said.

    'Yeah, ' Lula said, hitching up her fuchsia and black animal print spandex pants. I'm sure that's it. '

    I approached the porch and handed the woman my business card. 'Stephanie Plum. '

    'I remember you, ' the woman said. 'You had your picture in the paper when you burned the funeral home down. '

    'It wasn't my fault. '

    'It wasn't my fault either, ' Grandma said.

    I'm Cindy, Carol's sister. I know she's been having a hard time so I called her this morning. Just checking in, you know? And as soon as I heard her I knew something was wrong. She didn't want to talk on the phone, and she was real secretive. So I came over here. I only live two blocks away. She wouldn't answer her door when I knocked, so I went around back and that door was locked, too. And the shades are all drawn. You can't see into the house at all. '

    'Maybe she just wants to be alone, ' Lula said. 'Maybe she thinks you're nosey. '

    Tut your ear to the window, ' Cindy said.

    Lula put her ear to the front window.

    'Listen real close. What do you hear?'

    'Uh oh, ' Lula said. 'I hear the crinkle of a chip bag. I hear crunching. '

    `I'm afraid she's held up another truck!' Cindy said. 'I didn't want to call the police. And I didn't want to call her ex-husband. He's a real jerk. If I'd been married to him, I'd be a little nutty, too.

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    I rapped on the front door. 'Carol. It's Stephanie Plum. Open the door. '

    'Go away. '

    'I need to talk to you. '

    `I'm busy. '

    'She's going to jail, ' Cindy wailed. 'She's a habitual offender.

    They're going to lock her up and throw away the key. She's a chip junky. My sister's an addict!'

    'We don't want to get carried away with this, ' Lula said. 'Last I looked, Fritos weren't on the list of controlled substances. '

    'Maybe we should shoot the lock off the door, ' Grandma said.

    'Hey, Carol, ' I yelled through the door. 'Did you rob another

    Frito-Lay truck?'

    'Don't worry, ' Cindy called out. 'We'll get you a good lawyer.

    Maybe you can plead insanity. '

    The door flew open and Carol stood in the doorway, holding a bag of Cheez Doodles. Her hair was smudged with orange doodle dust and stood out from her scalp like an explosion had gone off inside her head. Her mascara was smudged, her lipstick eaten off, replaced with orange doodle stain. She was dressed in a