186 Miles by Nicole Hildreth Read Free Book Online

before.”
     
    “Yeah,
I guessed.”  He laughed.  “Don’t be embarrassed.  Seriously .  If we do
that again and you don’t scream, I’m going to be disappointed.”
     
    He
sat up and pulled off the condom, wrapping it in a tissue and tossing it into
the bin on the side of the bed.  He reached for his drawstring pants, tugging
them on.
     
    He
swatted me on the backside.  “Coffee, woman.  Let’s go.”
     
    “Meet
you in a minute.”  I hurried into the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror
for a few seconds.  I was flushed, my cheeks still hot with humiliation.
     
    I
could feel tears coming.  I was guilty.  I had just slept with a man that was not my husband.
     
    *
     
    I
joined Vince in the kitchen a few minutes later.  He was sitting at the table,
his elbows propped up.  He was drinking out of a cup that read “Flirty at 30.” 
Carrie bought it for me that year for my birthday.
     
    “Hi.”
     
    “Hey,”
I responded.  I busied myself.  Picked out the right sized cup, opened and
closed doors; anything to avoid him.
     
    He
walked up behind me, dropping his chin to my shoulder.  “You okay?”
     
    “Yeah.” 
I turned around and gave him a shaky smile.
     
    “Hey.” 
He took my chin and tipped it up, forced to connect.  “Have you been crying ?”
     
    “I’m
fine.”
     
    “I
didn’t ask if you were fine .  I asked if you’d been crying.”
     
    I
shrugged my shoulders.  “I’m just having a bad day.” 
     
    “A
bad day ?  We just woke up and made love.  We’ve done nothing else.” 
He paused.  “So you’re telling me that you regret being together?”  He
looked confused.
     
    I
couldn’t answer.  I wasn’t sure.
     
    “We fucked and used my husband’s condoms,” I blurted.
     
    “Are
you serious?  First of all, don’t say that we fucked .  You know that’s
not what that was.  And I’ll go buy my own fucking condoms.  That’s a
ridiculous reason to be crying.  It’s something else.”  His tone was terse.
     
    I
poured my coffee and walked past him, taking a seat on the couch.
     
    “Do
you want me to go ?”
     
    “No.”  Please don’t go.  I’m just freaking out.
     
    “Then talk to me.  What’s the real problem?”  He slid in next to me.  Too
close.   He fiddled with a piece of my hair.
     
    “I’m
just being a weirdo.  I just haven’t been with anyone else really, so…”
     
    “Well,
I assumed so.  I met you a day before the funeral, so I figured it was a safe
bet.”  He smiled and brushed his thumb across my eyebrow.
     
    “No,
I mean like besides Ryan, I’ve only been with one other guy before him.  So, I
guess I freaked out a little bit.  It felt like I was cheating.”
     
    “Alright.” 
He encircled me with his arms and pulled me tight.  “I got it.”
     
    I
broke from his grasp and stood.  “I’m going to take a shower, I think.”
     
    “Rachel.” 
     
    I
turned.
     
    “I
talked to a guy about a job here.”
     
    My
body froze.  “What are you talking about?”
     
    “I’ve
just been looking in the last week.  A really good opportunity came up.  It’s
at a studio downtown.  The pay isn’t that different than what I make in Chicago
and the rent would be cheaper here.  I’m not looking to move in with you.”  He
chose his words carefully.  “I just want to be near you.  I love you.”
     
    My
voice was coarse.  “You don’t love me.”
     
    He
stood.  “Yes… I do .”  His face was genuine.
     
    I
turned and headed up the stairs.  I couldn’t manage this.  I didn’t want to.
     
    *
     
    I
turned on the shower.  I needed distance.  Time.
     
    He
loved me?  Was he insane?
     
    I
wanted the water to wash my guilt away.  It wasn’t working.
     
    When
I made my way back into the bedroom, Vince was there.  He was sitting on the
edge of the bed.
     
    “Baby,
please, talk to me.”
     
    I
turned to the dresser and picked out a lingerie set.  “I don’t have